You know, society seems to have an answer for everything don’t they? No matter what the situation, there is someone out there that claims to have a solution to any problem one may face, especially from a non-Christian perspective. And this includes the more fundamentally personal dilemmas. For example, what is the one thing that all people need? Well, a famous song going back many years proposed that all one needs is Love. Of course, they never qualified the term. Exactly what Love is and how it satisfies the needs of a person, they, nor anyone else from ‘that’ generation, could say.

As Christians, we know that God’s Love is all that we need, however, to the unbeliever who rejects this and yet still concludes that Love is necessary for a fulfilling life, romance, the ‘true’ love, is often the natural conclusion. Not excluding the irreligious version of brotherly, and familial love, these rarely possess the pizzazz and passionate vitality that love between the sexes provide for the worldly person. And, with this in mind, it is no wonder that marriage is the crescendo for the ordinary person’s life. But, if it is a crescendo, then by the end of the song, it can turn to a dirge, resulting in divorce or turmoil within the relationship. And yet for most, divorce is a legitimate procedure when the cords of love fail to ring as brightly. Should Christians view marriage in the same way? Is divorce ever an appropriate course of action, and if so, when is it appropriate?

One of my favorite books on CD is The Four Loves, by C. S. Lewis. In this series of lectures, Lewis identifies 4 distinct types of Love, from brotherly love to agape love (the sort of love that God has shown to us as sinners). Somewhere in the middle of these is Eros, or romantic love. For me, he confirmed the suspicion that this sort of affection is not the most potent of the natural loves, but it is the most mortal. The fact is, passion only lasts for a short period of time. It appears and then leaves as a perennial flower does, blossoming and dying, to where, faith in its direction is clearly not a good idea. But isn’t this exactly what we see in the world; of Hollywood, tabloids, our next-door neighbors, ourselves? Desire for another, romantically, consumes us, but only for a season, until it leaves us unfulfilled and disillusioned. Shouldn’t marriage be based on something other than that kind of love?

In the Bible, marriage was first instituted by God for Adam and the newly formed woman, Eve. In Genesis 2:23-24, it says “The man said, “this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man.� For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife; and they will become one flesh.� Accordingly, the commitment of marriage is far more concrete than the passions upon which one another are drawn together by. Clearly, the ‘feelings’ associated with erotic love serve only as the topping on the cake. The bulk of the relationship is fixed within the breading of that covenant. ‘Feelings’ come and go. I would even go so far as to say that they would come back if encouraged. But, to make a decision in virtue of them is not only a bad choice, but also an unbiblical one.

But is there ever warrant for a divorce? Under what conditions is this ever an option? Separating flesh from flesh and bone from bone is not only unnatural, but also unnecessary. In fact, in the New Testament, many of the Pharisees questioned Jesus about this. Yet Jesus knew their motivation. Most of them were merely seeking approval of their lifestyles, which were typically just to throw away the old wife in search of a newer one. Given that in the law of Moses there was an allowance for it, this was their way out. Jesus immediately replied in Matthew 19:8 “Moses permitted you to have a divorce because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another commits adultery.� And Paul went even further when, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, made it clear in I Corinthians 7: 10-24, that even if there is marital unfaithfulness, if the spouse is a believer and wishes to remain in the marriage, this should be honored and one should “remain in the situation God called him [or her] to.�

What all this means is simply that there are situations where divorce is the only course of action, but all avenues should be pursued before this road is taken. The eros behind our love for our wives and husbands is but the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more that is not only involved in Love and Marriage, but are strategically placed by God as making our lives what He wants them to be. Going from one relationship to another only reminds us that the world will never burst free from the monotony of seasonal change. If nothing remains from this period in our lives to another period, then our lives amount to just that; nothing. There must be more than eros, or if you like, that spark which comes and goes. For just as Christ loved the church, so to must we love our spouses, no matter what the outward conditions express. Because, if you hold on during the dry spells in your marriage, you will find a much deeper love our world can never know without knowing Christ first.

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