Hi, I'm Shanelle or you can call me Eve ;), I am a 26 year old Christian woman, with a degree in Psychology. I just got married recently, and am currently pursuing my master's in Marriage and Family Counseling. I am not a doctor, or Professional Psychologist yet, nor do I have all the answers, but if you just want a Christian woman's honest opinion -- drop it in the box and I will do my best to answer you shortly.

Enter your question: Ask Eve

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Hi,
I just finished up my second year of college and when I was younger, something that was always pounded into my brain was to keep myself sexually pure. Obviously, this is great advice...yet from where I come from, people didn't really go into how purity of the mind ties into being sexually pure as well...that is at least not for females. And now, this is something that I struggle with. Thank God I am still a virgin and will remain one until I get married but I have a very hard time getting my thought life under control. I know that a lot of it has to do with what you intake through the eye gate. Just about a year ago, I stopped reading romance novels because I learned through a Christian book that they are not glorifying to God. My question is, how do I overcome this constant thought battle? I know that he who is in me is greater than he who is in the world...yet I still struggle. Just from hearing people talk for the male crowd, and accountability partner is key, yet I get the vibe that for females who struggle with this is worse than committing adultery. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

Dear Faithful,
I can truly say you are on the right start. When Jesus discusses adultery he says Matthew 5:27 “You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery;' but I tell you that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it away from you.” Of course you are not to remove your eye, but he means exactly what you are doing. Put away the cause of your temptations. In James 1:14 it says “Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted by evil, 15 and he himself tempts no one. But each one is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desires. Then when desire conceives, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is full grown, it gives birth to death. Do not be led astray, my dear brothers and sisters.” Women are included in that warning too. You have the right start; the key is not being lured by your desire down the wrong path. I understand it is hard to be a woman and to have the freedom to express this. I went through a time in college when I was lured away by thoughts of marriage and having a husband to be sexual with. It’s not easy, and yet the word says 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” Do you believe the word? Then even without an accountability partner you have the spirit of Christ that is in you. “Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world”. There are times when we are led out to our wilderness and tempted, just as Jesus himself was. In those times when Satan entices you with the very words of God…you must come back to Him with the word in truth. You have a desire, and it is God given, but it is like an apple on the one tree you can not yet eat from. Thank God for your desire and put it away with the power of His word until it can be properly fulfilled. May God strengthen your spirit to hold you accountable if no one else will.
In Christ,
Eve

Dear Eve,
All my life I have had bad relationships with men. A bad father, saw my mother with bad men that used and abused her. I've had only one good relationship with a man. I dont want to believe that "all men are evil" taking the Bible too literally, but lately that's how I feel. All the men I've dated have had impure ulterior motives like sex, using a relationship for financial help or whatever is selfish. I know all people are not alike, but I am at the point where I want all men to stay away from me. Sometimes I think I will go to heaven and if there is an angel there that looks like a man I will want him to stay clear of me. what do you think??

Dear Broken Hearted,

I can understand the way you feel. I grew up in a similar circumstance. I can't help but wonder what environments you are meeting these men in. As for my own experience, I came to a point in life where I committed to being single for 2 years. I stayed clear of men during that time, and evaluated my heart. During that time God used a relationship with a man to teach me not all men are for relationships. I must say, I was at the point where when a man came near me, I had panic attacks, talk about a bad experience. However, no matter what you go through, God is able to show you truth. Today I am married to a Christ loving man, and he has made my joy complete. I would encourage you to steer away from relationships for a while, and try to have healthy friendships, protect and guard your heart in those relationships, and learn the negative patterns you display or steer towards in men. All the while, pray and ask God to bring men that follow after him into your life. Be on the look out though, Satan parades around like an angel of light. So don't be surprised if you find more bad "eggs" in that batch. Remember though, Christ is your example, when all else fails do not doubt he can love and teach you what a man is like. God has been my mother and father, and has taught me how to be a wife. He is more than enough.

Eve

I was in a hurtful, manipulative & verbally abusive relationship and since then have been in and out of very brief relationships, mostly due to the fact that I struggle with an eating disorder. I am committed to overcoming or managing this health issue through out-patient care as I've battled anorexia for ten years and I just graduated from college. There is a lot of pressure and expectation when it comes to dating, and I find it difficult to disregard all of that, as well as my eating issues, when it comes to getting to know a guy. Not to mention the fact that I already feel like crap for worrying continually about food situations, i.e. eating at restaurants etc., and knowing deep in my heart that an eating disorder isn't honoring God in any way. I have visited with numerous therapists about relationships and eating issues, and I just feel like I'm at a dead end. I'm starting to believe I will never be able to open up and be actively engaged in a relationship as long as I'm still dealing with these issues :( Any resources or advice would be greatly appreciated~ Blessings

Dear Hayley,

The main resource I have is to pray for you. You may feel like that is an excuse or a quick exit plan, but believe me it's not. Indeed you should continue your committment to counseling for your eating disorder, but also committ yourself to the Lord all the more. In a moment before I suffered some of the worse despair over mental health, God gave me this verse. He prepared me for what was to come, and I see now the comfort I am able to give others because he held me so close in those times.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort; Who gives us comfort in all our troubles, so that we may be able to give comfort to others who are in trouble, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Continue all you can do to get healthy, but trust in God Hayley he is the mighty deliverer. I can tell you this because he has set me free from depression and anxiety that tormented me and prevented me from engaging in relationships. I stopped believing it all depended on me to get it right, and in the midst of that trust God gave me an incredible marriage and two years later set me free from anxiety. We have a good God, and nothing can stop his goodness, nothing. We will pray for you.

Father, may your goodness and your ever loving hand cast a peace upon Hayley that surpasses all understanding. Deliver her from oppression that she might worship you Lord with all of her mind, her body and her soul. In the name of Jesus Christ we ask this.

With Love,
Eve

Dear Eve,
My question, or advice seeking comments, are on sex in marriage. My wife and I have been married for a couple of years and are 99% very happy. We dated for quite some time before we were married and we did engage in sex before marriage. The only real conflict that has ever come up in our dating and marriage is the topic of sex. You ever heard of the saying, "put a penny in a jar everytime you have sex with your girlfriend before you're married, take penny out for every time you do after your married, and you will never empty that jar?" Well I always thought it was a stupid secular saying, but sometimes I feel it could ring true.

I love my wife more than anyone could imagine, and like I said, we have a very happy marriage, but half the time I feel like I'm abstinent! Maybe we will once a week, twice at the absolute most. We read in our daily devotional (Night Light) about the spousal need to feel wanted and pursued by your spouse. Well I do everything I can to make her feel wanted and pursued and she says she always does. I try not make it sexual in nature, but sometimes I can't help it. I know men are more sexually charged than women, so I try to make her feel special in ways that are non-sexual, but of course, there are times where I can't avoid that because she is so incredibly beautiful and sexy (and an unbelievably sweet, thoughtful, and kind woman); and when it happens it's perfect, everything is always in perfect synch. It's hard not to want to all the time with her. However, on the flip side, I rarely feel the same want and pursuance from her. If we do engage in "maritals," it's 99% because I initiate it. It's a rare, rare occasion when she's the one wanting to "hop" on me! It gets so frustrating. I was out of town on business for a couple of weeks recently and when I got back, she really did want me; for the day I got back. That was a week ago, and now it's like off limits. I hate to count, but when it seems so rare, I can't help it. I mean I can actualy count the number of times we've been inimate in the last 2 months on one hand, maaaaaaayyyyyyyybbbbbbeeeee two hands.

I try so many different sexual and non-sexual ways to get her in the "mood," but nothing seems to work. I know she likes to, she says she loves it. What I can't understand is how a person can love something so much, but want it so rarely. I do not understand women. You are incredible creations and even more incredibly difficult to read and understand. I read in magazines about these wives and girlfriends who want to meet their husbands on lunch hours, or are waiting for them when they get back from work and can't get enough of their husband. I'm thinking, why can't that happen to me? She could wake me up in the middle of the night and that would be cool; if I did that I might get kicked. I get so tired of being the one to always start things, and I worry that as time goes and this continues, I will slowly stop caring and trying. Night light talks about a marriage losing the intimate sexual aspect and how it can have an adverse affect on the couple. I don't want to go down that road, but I don't think I can handle the emotional devastation of rejection from my own wife anymore. I'm tired of being the pursuant all the time. I wouldn't mind if she would let me catch her, but like I said, I'm having a hard time dealing with the rejection anymore. Bottom line, I want to everyday, her every month. What can I do? HELP. Thank you Eve and God bless you.

What a difficult subject. First off, have you communicated these things to her? I can’t imagine your wife would continue to ignore your feelings if you communicated them, but perhaps I am wrong. I have to say, men are obviously more sexual creatures in many ways, but it doesn’t mean women completely lack sexual desire. If your wife does lack desire you should perhaps get to the bottom of some things. Medication, diet, lack of sleep and busy schedules can all affect your desire to be sexually active. As much as men wished it were as easy for women to engage in sexual activity as it is for them, the plain truth is…it’s not. We think, we feel, we contemplate way too much! As far as the magazines you read get rid of them…the bottom line is half that crap is probably made up. If you start thinking the grass is greener on the other side, you will be in a very easy place for satan to convince you that it is. I don’t have a fix all solution, but the most important thing is to communicate to your wife the way you feel. I have had to hear some frustrating things in my own sex life from my husband, and much of the frustration was that for a whole year we were silent about how we were feeling, and frankly he was ready to throw in the towel with trying to understand me. However, praise God he didn’t give up, and now we communicate our needs. Unfortunately that transition doesn’t take place over night, but the comfort for me, was that I had our whole life to try and figure out how to interact with him…but it can’t happen unless you speak truth in love about how you are feeling. Might I add, it should be no where near the bedroom when you do bring it up. Let me know if you have communicated these feelings.
God bless,
Eve

Dear Eve,
I hope you can help me, when I went away to college I met the most beautiful woman in the world to me, she was incredible,everyone at school wanted her, though I was abit goofy I always knew I would give her the world if I could, we lost touch but after a few years I discover she is married. Eve my world caved in. I know I will never love another woman and I feel terrible but I want her for myself. I pray daily and every night for her. She is happy in her marriage I suppose, but each day without her seems pointless I begged GOD to help me we are all christians so I know divorce may not be in the cards unless one of them mess up. Please help me I am lost and any success I have in life is overshadowed by this, I also don't want to covet someone else's wife but I love her and she knows it. Any advice?????

Dear Daniel,

It is amazing what the flesh will do even to the Christian heart. David was known as a man after God’s own heart, and yet he longed for Bathsheba to the point of killing her husband. A heart caught in coveting is full of danger, nothing good ever comes of it. Take a moment and listen to yourself. You are hoping they divorce, to have your own way. The first thing you must do, is stop praying for her, it is not your responsibility it is her husband’s. Prayer is one of the most intimate things we can do as beings, and a vulnerable heart like yours should turn your prayers to yourself and away from her. Ever heard of out of sight, out of mind? Well that’s not always the case, out of mind, out mind is more realistic. You must retrain your thoughts. Jesus said as a man thinketh, so is he. Your mind has more power than you can imagine, and every second you spend thinking about this woman only reinforces your inability to get over her. When David was spoken to by the Lord, God reminded him of how he desires good things for his life, the same is true for your life. 2 Samuel 12: 7…”Now listen to what the LORD God of Israel says to you: "I chose you to be the king of Israel. I kept you safe from Saul 8and even gave you his house and his wives. I let you rule Israel and Judah, and if that had not been enough, I would have given you much more.” Notice how God says had that not been enough I would have given you much more. What an incredible line to say to a King who already has everything. Remember Daniel, your God and Father will not give you snakes as a gift, he gives good gifts. This woman you hold so high is not what God has for you. Let it go, day by day let thoughts of her go, and let God do for you, what he would have done for David…let him give you more.

May your heart rest in the hand of Him who is able to give abundantly more than you could ever imagine.

-Eve

Hello Eve, I am so happy I came across your Q&A column. You are such a blessing to so many people out there.
I read in one of your answers to a women talking about still being single and waiting on God for the right man to just completely give it over to Him and enjoy life being single.
I am turning 25 soon and I feel everyday like my heart is breaking because I have waited and prayed for God to put the right man into my life. I love the Lord more then anything..but falling in love and finding a husband is consuming me. From the time I was little I've prayed for my future husband, I've prayed for the babies that I want to have someday..I never thought I would be 25 and still single. I try to give it over to God, I want to forget about it because it hurts so much to think about and I want Jesus to be my everything. But I can't let go..even when I think I have the next day I feel so incredibly sad and find I'm asking 'when' or 'why' to God.
I am so lonely for that kind of relationship. I want to love someone and care about someone..I want a relationship that is pure and honors Him. I want children.
How can I truly let it go and give it to God? I can't handle it anymore.

Thank-you Eve
Heather

Dear Heather,

No lie, the road to single life is hard. It is not a "gift" to many people, but I am telling you, use it! Be encouraged, this is a time for your dreams to come alive, your life doesn't start when you get married. I know it can help us focus because we are no longer consumed with finding that person. However, let me tell you something, as beautiful as marriage is, it is difficult. I have friends who were happily in love two years ago already bringing up the divorce word. They say "maybe I should have waited, I was too young I didn't do all the things I wanted to..." While that is no excuse for breaking a covenant with God, and your spouse, it gives me a good hint that many people sat around doing nothing until they got married, thinking that was the cure all.

Life when you are single is a blessing, believe it or not. You can serve the Lord WHOLE heartedly Paul said this

1 Corinthians 7: 28, 32
...But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs��"how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world��"how he can please his wife��" 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world��"how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

By no means was Paul against marriage, but he KNEW the difficulties, and understood the excitement of being free to whole heartedly live for and serve Christ. Do you know the one thing my spouse and I fight the most about is serving God? I have a heart for Africa and would love to serve there, he as a protecting husband worries about death, illness, bills that need to get paid, etc. I am limited to serving the Lord, the way I would full heartedly desire, until we are both in agreement. It is not easy to live in agreement all the time, even when it comes to serving God. So while your desires are not wrong, and very well may be fulfilled, do not let them consume your time alone with Christ. Start moving dream big and take your husband the Lord with you everywhere you go. Begin to listen to His voice today, if he wanted you to be married it would be done. God does not hold back good gifts from his children. For he will give you the desires of your heart. Truthfully, I think you should listen a little closer to your heart, is there anything else it may have on it, anything else you could be doing with your time? I have no doubt he has something else for you right now, wake up to it, and don't spend your life dreaming about Mr. Right. I know it is not easy, but it's a good lesson to learn, because marriage isn't easy either, and there is a lot of joy and yet long suffering in both.

Isaiah 54:5
5 For your Maker is your husband��"
the LORD Almighty is his name��"
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.

There is no love like His,

Eve

hello Eve,
I am a believer and i am 19 yrs, I have a boyfriend he is 26 yrs. we have sex and we got engaged this month. We want to get married, Eve am i ready for a marriage, i dont want to live a unrigthouest life, I love him we been with each other about a 2yrs now. I graduated from high school and I am now working on a ASS.Degree in Businesss.
please help me eve, What should i do.

Hi Phara,

First off, I would be lying if I didn't say your age difference concerns me. In terms of maturity and influence, starting out a relationship at the age of 17 with a 24 year old, leaves a lot of room for misguidance. However, I will have to trust that God has put provision in your life through adults who love and care for you, and those concerns have hopefully been raised.

It is normal that we start wanting to be in right relationship with eachother when we know we will stand before God, and ask him to bless our lives. What you desire is wonderful, but I have a feeling, if you aren't in agreement with your fiance about this, it will be a tough road to walk down. Having sex and then suddenly deciding not to will no doubt cause a lot of conflict, if your fiance does not have an understanding of your beliefs. I encourage you, no matter what it takes to pursuit, what you know is right, but you must be very open to communicate what your intentions are, and why you have made such an "abrupt" decision. In the end though, it comes down to the truth of the matter, sex outside of marriage is not what God intended for us, and if God's intention for your lives seem invalid to your fiance, there is more to talk about than just giving up sex. You will need to re-evaluate your beliefs and compatability long term.

The first thing I should ask is this. Do you have a church you are actively involved in? If yes, I recommend getting premarital counseling. The support you will find through your Pastors, and lay leaders will encourage both of you to walk in a right relationship with eachother, not only before you get married, but after marriage as well. If you don't have a church you attend, you should really start looking for one to be active in. A community of spiritual support is essential for the early years of marriage and throughout it as well.

Your involvement in premarital counseling will raise a lot of very important questions in regards to your spirituality, your ideals in a marriage, your values, and desires for raising a family, etc. Premarital counseling is really a proactive way to start your marriage off on the right foot.

On the short side of things the idea of marriage always seems simple. You fall in love, and you get married, but if you have completely different core values and beliefs, when you merge your two lives together, there is going to be conflict.

Be wise enough in your young age to seek mature counsel, and don't let any seemingly fairy tale dream, steal God's dreams for you life. Pursue a right relationship with God, and each other.

May wisdom and truth be your guide,

Eve

I met my boyfriend at church camp when I was 15. I am now almost 23. We have always had a long distance relationship and been off and on because as we all know they are very difficult. The mistakes we made at a young age I can get passed because I was not ready for any relationship or just not wanting to be into it. Now going to college we didn't speak my whole first year on my part. Then never saw each other till 3 years later. well we got back together and things were going well. He then said he needed some time to think about things after us talking marriage and I got scared bc it happened so fast and I drove him to not feeling confident about our relationship. well being almost 2 years since that break up we are now back together trying to figure out what it is really between us. We can't just let each other go. Its stupid I know and distance has dampened our relationship. it this time being together he slept with his ex gf. of course I am so forgiving and want
to work things out. He wants to be with me more than anything and has known I was the one since he was 17 but I kept pushing him away to go to college and finish. He is in the air force and is obligated to his career I understand that and he tried to move close to me so we could work it out..but he is staying in. I have a job opportunity where he is but would be sacrificing alot. I am nervous about moving but exciting at the same time. I don't agree living together before marriage either and financially I may struggle some but who doesn't in our society. What I'm asking is through all this is it worth it our am I completely blind. I see God has great things for me but I just can't get the thought of letting my boyfriend go after all we have been through. I love him and want us to for once have a real relationship. Bc together nothing else matters to me and I'm happy but being apart a million reasons why and why not run through my head. can you help..thanks

Dear Britt,

I never like to quickly judge a relationship, but I will give you my own personal thoughts and experience. It seems to me you may simply be struggling to let go of something that has been lingering from the past. If nothing else matters to you than being with him, as you stated at the end of your explanation, than you wouldn't be writing me to find out if you should go or not.

I can understand at the same time a lot of fears can cause a person to hold back, I've been there. I guess it seems you have such a rocky foundation. As an outsider looking in, it seems a bit of a mess, as though you are simply hanging on, because it is all you've really known. However, if you need to know, then you need to know, and go. But,if you don't have peace about it, and you are living out the excuse that things haven't worked out because you've been so far apart, I would close that door, and forget about it.

When people don't have a direction pointing to a clear future we tend to fall back on the past and find what was comforting. If you're really going to move ahead than you have two choices. 1. Shut that door and move ahead, or 2. Give it a shot (if you truly believe it has been living circumstances) and move near him. Either way you are going to get your answer, but don't keep dragging the past into your future. It seems you two are on a repeat cycle on and off again. Here's a little hint, if you find it extremely hard to make the decision to move, than it's probably not the right decision. Find out the truth and it shall set you free!

May The Lord Lead You,
Eve

A friend of mine's sister in law has a husband who has major rage issues...the last incident was shoving a trash bag in her face b/c she did not get the right kind...this at 2 a.m......they have an 18 month old that he stays with during the days while she works...doesn't she need to set boundaries for the safety of herself and her child. Her reason for staying put is in the name of "working out the marriage"....thanks!

I trust your discernment in this situation to say it is unhealthy. Indeed boundaries are very needed. It concerns me to hear of women or men who allow themselves to be in an abusive relationship whether physical or mental. I think it is important that as a friend you watch out for her, and make sure to discuss your concerns for her safety. As well, if this is truly the situation, I don't think you need my advice to awaken her to the reality that she should really maybe take a step back and allow her spouse to figure out a few things with her support, but perhaps in a safe environment for her and her child. Prayerfuly consider approaching her with a few other people that she has a trusting relationship and draw her attention to your concerns. Reminding her that it is imperative that she take care of her safety and the safety of their baby first.

May God grant you the spirit of wisdom and of peackeeping as you help your friend discern what is best.

God Bless you,
Eve

I posted this on a men's forum yesterday, i'd like your opinion on emotional pornography (i'll duck now) this isn't against women or justifying men but the continual promotion of men as savage sexual beasts irks me men and women are equals in sin before god and we are made (wired) differently men are physical-visual sexual and therefore pornography is a real vice for us we notice the girl in tight clothes and exposed cleavage BUT women are emotional-relational sexual women can read "romance" novels and watch "chick flick" movies/TV and it's socially acceptable they even go as far as saying "why can't you be like that guy?" this IS [ EMOTIONAL PORNOGRAPHY ] if i brought home a penthouse magazine and opened up to a page showing a sex scene and said "why cant you be more like that woman?" both physically and sexually, would that be allowed? NOT A CHANCE! but for some reason, even inside the church, men are made to feel second class because we sin in pornography (i've heard the messages several times at several churches) but never a mention of women's emotional pornography BOTH hold up an impossible to achieve standard for the other spouse it doesn't mean i won't try to be better emotionally for my wife but I will never be that emotional stud in the romance novel either. I shouldn't expect my wife to be that airbrushed perfect 20 year old either. thoughts ...

Perhaps we have a potential Ask Adam column! You speak much wisdom. It is every bit true, that women seek out emotional "pornography" as you state it. I don't think this is alright. Emotional affairs are just as harsh as physical affairs, why this is never discussed in church I am not sure. Thank God for this magazine though, because we will indeed talk about it here. Women must be careful that they do not put their spouse up against the romance Hollywood produces. Love is not easy, and either is marriage. We are just as tempted to get our emotional "fixes" as men are their physical fixes. Both are wrong. I think this is a huge piece of wisdom you have added today. Thank you.

Warm Regards,
Eve

Dear Eve,
I am coming to the end of a chapter in my life in which the future is unknown. I am about to graduate from College. I am 21 years old, a Christian, and full of joy and life. Since freshmen year of College I have been with my boyfriend, who was a year ahead of me at school, where we meet. We have been together for a little over 3 years, and for 3/4 of our relationship we have been apart. We've spent summers, semesters, and even school years apart, at a given time, due to study abroad and other reasons. This year, he has been living in IL where he accepted a job, in which we have been traveling back and forth a few weekends each month to see each other. When we are together we are pretty much inseparable, of course it has to do a lot with the fact that we have not been able to spend longer than 4 months at a time actually being in the same city. Now, that I will be graduating in May, we finally have an opportunity to establish a 'normal' relationship, well at least one that wil
l be in the same city. That is if I moved down to IL (which where we agreed to live separately). I am pretty well traveled so, moving down to a new city isn't anything to out of the norm for me, plus I would actually be 2 hours closer to my family than I am now. However, since this semester I have been having doubts, on what 'I' want to do, and even though I know my boyfriend LOVES ME VERY MUCH as he tells me quite often, I have my doubts as to whether I love him. He is my first boyfriend, the only one I ever really dated. So, knowing where this path could take me, ‘marriage’, makes me very hesitant to move down to IL. He knows that I am not ready for such a huge commitment, even thought I see a lot of amazing qualities in him, like a devoted, loving, and caring husband, and father. He is also very patient and understanding and all he wants is for us to actually establish our relationship in the same city, for longer than 4 months.

As far as our spiritual compatibility goes, in the pass we were not at the same place, and that bothered me, but I wanting to hold on and keep trying to be on the same page. When I was not physically with him, like when he studied abroad, I would develop a close relationship with God, but when we would reunite, I felt myself slowly drift away from God. (I might add that our relationship started on the wrong foot according to purity, and knowing that has been forever on my mind). In the past I was encouraged to break up with him by other believers, and had tried 3 or 4 times throughout the relationship. As of this year he has put forth more of an attempt to bring God more into his life. That is comforting. And when I go visit him we go to church together. He thinks it would be fun to join a church group, which would be great to make sure we can establish that in our lives.
Here's where I am confused. Early this semester I meet a guy who I worked with a few times who I found goes to a church I liked and had gone to before. I ended up going to the church with my roommate a few times and now we go as often as we can. A few times that I have gone I got to see my friend from work and feelings have started to develop, which I have found to be mutual. He is a distraction to me, and has made me confused with what I want to do after college, and who I want to be with and has lead me revaluate my relationship with my boyfriend and other areas in my life. What would you suggest I do, about these other feelings? Could they be fleeting thoughts, a test perhaps in my relationship, or could God be trying to tell me something by put my friend in my life for a reason?

Dear Friend,

Off the top of my head, the answer seems pretty simple to me. Don’t move. However, if you are truly unsure and think the relationship might work, pray about it. Pray until you have a peace about which direction to move in. Remember God is called our Mighty Counselor. I must say though, it seems to me you no longer have a committment to your boyfriend in your own heart. Your “friend��? seems to be more than a friend emotionally. Whether God has put those feelings there or not, I am not sure, only time will tell. However, I don’t think doubting everything you have with your current relationship, and moving to IL is a wise move. At the same time, putting your current boyfriend on hold while you explore your options with your new friend, is unacceptable as well. When you make your decision, make it a point to speak truth in love, if it entails not moving to IL, do not leave him hanging there with out a clue as to how you feel. Love your neighbor as yourself, is the key. What would you want done in this situation? May God give you wisdom and discernment, and may you stay filled with His joy and life.
Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Why do I always feel that I need someone to be my boyfriend? Sometimes I am good and I fill my schedule with school, work, church ,kids etc but when I get down times I get sad and lonely. I always have a boyfriend how do I get my mind set out of always needing someone to be with me or just being needy in general? - Jo

Dear Jo,

I grew up facing the same issue. I began seriously dating at the age of 12. By the time I was 18 I had never known what it was like to be me, and be alone. I wonder if you went through a similar situation as me. Did you have a father figure around at a young age? I ask, because often when women are not poured into by a significant male role model, and validated by them, we face issues of abandonment, and will find ourselves clinging to relationships for validity.

When my father left, it was as though the one person who could make me feel like a princess, had torn away my tiara. I found myself filling that void with premature relationships, and all three of my sisters did the same. Even after I became a Christian I had a pattern that was hard to break. Filling your schedule is not the answer. Try filling your mind and heart, with Him who is able to give immeasurably more than you can ever imagine.

When I finally gave up dating for a year to focus on myself, I found myself falling in love with Jesus. There were days when I would confess, I needed human touch, or a compliment. In those times God sent someone with a sincere heart to tell me I was beautiful. It could be a married couple in the shopping mall, that would come over together and tell me something. Another time, I asked God if he loved me, and thought I was beautiful. The verse I was reading that day was in Song of Solomon. As the scripture described the beauty of the woman, it mentioned her curls like ribbons, and lebanon like features. I began crying, because it was as though God was speaking to me. My mother is Lebanese, and I have curly dark hair. I truly believe when you are filling a void, it needs to be replaced with what God has for you. Meditate on scripture and let Jesus fill you with his life, and love.

Ephesians 3: 17-18 And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,

Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Hey there! Im a young female who loves God and trys to please and serve God to the fullest. But my question today deals with something on a whole different topic. Im 23, a virgin, and single.Im defintely attracted to men and would love to be in a relationship but I havent found the right one on my level, as far as goals and religion. So therefore I made an oath about 3 years ago to just wait, trust and believe God. At the same time i have been dealing with some new issues I came across, All of a random sudden, I have a physical attraction and sometimes I feel like i have a crush on one of my good friends, who is a female!! Its so weird because I get butterflies when im around them. When im around them, I get thoughts that I know isnt right, but sometimes I cant help it.Im not homosexual becuase this is very random and I never would want to be with another female, which is why im confused. I been praying about this and I know God will show me the way, but I just need some advice on this situation as far as how to handle it, also some scriptures that can help me out.If you could provide that, I will really apprecaite it. So hope to hear from you soon! Thanx May!

Greetings and Peace to you May,

I commend you for your desire to wait for marriage to be sexually active. If I may say, it doesn't surprise me to hear of your conflict dealing with sexuality. Today's culture really fosters the view that it is alright for women to be with women and to try out different interests regarding sexual orientation. Now while many of those situations are rooted in deep issues concerning sexuality as children, environment, etc. I also believe a heterosexual woman can face the same temptations. Our minds are like sponges, and the messages we receive wether intentionally listening to them or not, are soaked in. We are constantly fed messages contrary to Biblical truth. I would first say disregard the butterflies, emotions although enjoyable at times, are not an accurate depiction of truth. Our sinful nature is always at war with the law of God.

Paul put it like this: Romans 7: 18-24
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do��"this I keep on
doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and
making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God��"through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

May, make no mistake, this is not a verse allowing excuses for sin. It is simply Paul discussing the reality in which we live as sinful beings who delight in God's law. As you mentioned you desire greatly to make your mind obedient to the thoughts of Christ. However, you continue to think of thoughts that go against his word. Reflect greatly upon all that is good and holy, and flee from sin. What that will mean for you, I am not sure. Perhaps a little time away from your friend to clear your mind. Maybe confession to someone close to you, so that your thoughts are brought into the light and held accountable. Below are verses I have picked for you to reflect upon. May the good Lord be gracious to you as you fight your battle.

Psalm 19:14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." ��" Philippians 4:8
In Him, Eve

Dear Eve,
I am a 23 year old female student just finishing my 2nd year of College. I have 2 more years to go. My boyfriend has been finished with College almost 2 years now. Right now we are in a long distance relationship which is working out very well for both of us. We are both born again Christians and believe that God has called us to refrain from sex before marriage. Not having sex is not really an issue for us. It is everything else other than actual intercourse that is the real struggle. We both believe that it is wrong but somehow can't seem to find the right solution to avoiding what seems to be a recurring situation. Both of us have fallen in the past in the struggle for purity, however he was quite sexually active before getting saved while I have never had sex before. Do you have any advice in terms of what boundaries would be appropriate for a couple like us? We see each other about 6 times a year, which to me just builds up all that passion even more. We are both very in love with each other and have serious plans of getting married as soon as I graduate. What do we do in the mean time? How did you deal with it when you were in your relationship with your husband before you were married? Were the boundaries you set effective? And if so what were they? Your advice would be truly appreciated. - Charisma

Dear Passion (^:

I am the first to say that a passionate relationship is a wonderful blessing from God. I am also the first to say a passionate relationship outside of the right boundaries is like starting a fire in the forest. Once it gets started it
is hard to put out. While I do believe it is important not to put out your passion for one another, I believe more importantly it is imperative that you build your relationship with God. What does that mean? The more you draw near
to him, and get into the word, and discipline yourselves, the easier it is to understand and respect his provision for not wanting sexual interaction outside of a marriage. I will not lie and say temptation was not there as a couple. It
was, and frankly knowing that my future husband desired me, and I him, was a great feeling to have. We were blessed with a strong desire for one another. Song of Solomons is a book that talks about the passion of two lovers. However, boundaries are key. Express your love for one another in other ways, surround
yourselves with activities that will allow you to be intimate, but appropriately. Dinner, dancing, walks, explore everything about eachother, but leave your physical desire for your marriage bed.
Hebrews 13:4
4Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

As for my husband and I, there were no specific boundaries that were set, we simply sought God, and kept our minds on the truth, that we did not belong to one another. Dwell on this passage in your temptation:

1 Corinthians 6:15-20
15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."[a] 17But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

I recommend you study that text. Understand the power of sexual interaction and God's intentions for such a passionate interaction between a married couple. But know, this is a blessing that when used outside of it's intended boundaries has strong consequences.

With passionate understanding,

Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Dear Eve,

I'm just wondering, if it's not too personal, how did you spend your 1st anniversary, and if you have any cool ideas of something I can do for her when I see her? We only have a few days, but I'm trying to think of something EXTRA special. Any ideas? I appreciate it. - Ike

Dear Ike,

I am happy to hear from you! How time flies, already a year. Unfortunately our one year anniversary landed on the saddest day of our lives, the death of our father. It took some time to gather ourselves together after the tradgedy of a death and all celebration was on hold for quite some time. Truthfully, I am a bigger advocate for everyday love rather than special events. When we were married, in fact, when we started dating, I had one request, "love me with everyday love, never try to make up for all the things you didn't do or haven't said because of a "special" day." And quite honestly he has lived up to every bit of that request. Love, and marriage is something you should go over the top in everyday...even if it's washing the dishes, or calling to check in on your spouse at work just to say "I love you." Please never, ever forget the moments available to you in everyday love, because moments pass that you may never get back.

However, in regards to your anniversary, when we did finally celebrate the best thing I ever received was a stack of 5 cards with 5 gifts. Each card had one lesson he had learned about me over the year with a gift that coincided. For example #1 You hate to be cold, inside the bag was a pair of "cozy" socks that were especially known for heating up feet. #2 You have a unique sense of style that doesn't always make sense to everyone, but is perfect for you. In the bag were different clothes that only I would pick out, lots of stripes, because I love them. The fact that I received a gift that had more meaning behind it was the best part. Those gifts communicated, not only do I love you, I love to learn about you, and I care about what I learn. Love your wife in the way she loves to be loved. That may look like a dozen roses, or it may look like a quiet night spent at home watching your wedding tape, or reading over your vows. I am sure you know what makes her heart beat, the warmest blessings to you both from us.

With Love,

Eve and Hubby

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Hey Eve, im a 19 year old single christian male who goes to an awesome church. i know plenty of Godly, attractive young girls and im getting to the stage where im feeling its time to start dating one of them (still dont know which one). I know the kind of woman i want is sweet and God-fearing. What i want to know is what kind of man should i be for this kind of woman? In general, what qualities does my mystery girl look for? Because thats something im happy to work on while im single.Thanks. - Anthony

Hmmm...Anthony,

That is an intriguing question. During our single life, God does a lot of work on us, but you should know it never stops there. In fact marriage is so sacred, because it is similar to the relationship of God and Jesus Christ, they reflect each other's image. You will find it is easier for people to get divorced, hence the divorce rates, than to want to work on the images they are reflecting back and fourth to one another in their marriage. So while I admire your desire to build character, just remember, you are always going to be shaping and building your character even in marriage. However, in this time "alone" it is imperative that you develop godly characters. Every person is different and has different strengths, but we can all use more patience, kindness, truth in love, respect, and submission. Most importanly Anthony, desire God deeply. Desire to learn the ways of Christ and to hear his voice.

There is nothing more important than to know God's voice and to yield to it now. If you struggle to hear God now, you should know it only becomes more difficult in marriage. Marriage puts earthly demands on you, and your spiritual life can feel so far off, but learning to love your wife, through patience and kindness, is just as important as spending hours in prayer. So yield to God, learn to carry out godly characteristics with patience. Say yes to him when you are too busy, when you don't have the desire, even when you simply don't want to. Discipline is everything, because, it only gets more complicated to yield to his voice as you share your life with another soul. But if you yield to the gentle voice of God now, and keep from hardening your heart, your love will perservere through those hard times.

With Tough love,
Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Wow! I have begun a relationship with past best friend from childhood. We have both been in multiple marriages, but, found ourselves without significant others and began a new in-depth friendship to lead towards a future together. The situation, that seems a little complex, is his war wounds from past relationships, and the past period. He spent 12 years incarcerated and has many trust issues. I am very patient and do not want to reflect back to his past, but he has picked up some institutional behavior. I know that he loves me, and I would like to know what type of approach should be used to bring attention to the unhealthy behavior, without constantly reminding him of his past? I am searching for the biblical solution. Can you assist me?
Dear Jo,

The truth to the matter is our pasts are always with us. We can be forgiven, but it is sometimes impossible to forget. If the behaviors this gentleman is showing reflects his past, the best way to go about it, is speak truth in love. Sometimes there is a lot of processing that needs to be done. The disconnect between jail and everyday life is worse than we can imagine. While some people believe those in prison deserve absolutely no freedom as a means of punishment, it raises questions as to how to help people readjust to society. Unfortunately, that matter is so deep, I think it would be much more harmful to leave your feelings and thoughts unsaid, than to bring up the past. There is a way to go about discussing those behaviors without assuming or suggesting he is the same person he was back then. Be honest, but gentle, and again the truth in love is the best approach. If this is really going to be a long term relationship you need the right to express and discuss freely your thoughts and concerns. You may need to demonstrate true love to him.

The verse you should cling to is 1 Corinthians 1:13 "Love is patient, love is kind; it does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud, it is not rude, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faint, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love."

In Truth,

Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

I need some help, Eve.
I'm a 23 year old senior in college. I am not financially secure, and I'm not completely positive where I'm headed after college. How important are those things to most women? I'm very interested in someone right now, but I'm afraid to pursue anything because I don't feel prepared for a relationship. But it seems like everytime I wait, the girl I'm interested in moves on to someone else. Should I wait until I'm more stable before I say anything, or should I let her know how I feel now? Also, do you think God would give me the desire for a family if He didn't intend for me to have one? I've just always been afraid that God is going to call me to a life of service and celibacy. Your insight will be greatly appreciated.

Scott-
I respect your wise thoughts about security and relationships. It is great to have all your ducks in a row before pursuing marriage and a family. As you know, many marriages fail before they even get off the ground because of finacial pressure, so it is good to plan ahead. However, I do believe you can be in a Godly, respectful relationship without having everything together. It just is important that you take it slow and that you both are on the same page about expectations. If she wants to be so serious that she wants to be married in 6 months, make sure you communicate where you are at in life. Love is love, and it is ok to act on your instincts and tell her how you feel...even if you are up in the air about your future. Remember this...you will never really feel completly ready for a new stage in life...we make this image in our head of how our life will look when...we get married, or have a baby etc. The truth is, you will always feel like you are juggling life a little...but that shouldn't stop love. I would tell her how you feel, communicate your intentions and see where it goes. Everyone's story is different and love isn't always predictable.

To you second question...GOD WILL LET YOU KNOW...I struggled with this for awhile, wondering if my calling was to be single and focus on God...although it was looking that way...God slapped me upside the head with a love of my life that I never expected. Stay in the word, ask him for guidance and it will all work out. He will open and close doors accordingly...but you still should pursue love, if it is in your heart.

Blessings, Eve

Eve, Im in a very difficult sitiuation..i have dated this girl Hannah for over 2 years on and off. Im am 19. She is 18. We met in high school. Every since we met i have been amazed on how perfect she is for me, and she thinks the same. I am now in college in Grand rapids, MI and she is going to college in the same town. I am thinking about switching to a school in Kanasas City (I.H.O.P.) We say we both love each other. She has cheated on me 3 times. When we first met i was getting into drugs(Pot) and she was very against it. She stayed with me and brought me to the lord.(1year later). although her family and friends told her many times to break it off. She was just so in love with the guy she first met. Now this is where i dont know what to do. I want to be best friends like we were in the beginning and then start to date agian...but i know we both need to grow close to God and i am at a christain college...and am going to I.H.O.P. a school in kansas city that is just so in depth with god...so the tables have turned a little and im trying to love her like she loved me uncondiontionaly. So i guess im dont know how to take it back to what it was ... and or should i ask her out agian before i leave.. i know we need a break, but im afraid of now being there for her. i want to marry this girl and we need to talk about everything from the past and move on... im sorry it kinda confusing i can clear it up some more if you want to email with any ?... i need some good advise from a women like you...thanks...
Branden,

Branden
I’m thankful your heart has turned towards God and you are seeking the right path. As for continuing in a relationship with person, I am very concerned about the fact that she has cheated on you three times. You say she was in love with the guy she first met… meaning the guy who was not chasing after God’s heart? Now that you are seeking God, she has turned the tables and is no longer interested? That concerns me. Loving unconditionally still needs its boundaries. If this person has cheated on you three times, I don’t think you need to pile on more unconditional love, I think you need to be wise, and realize her lack of commitment to your relationship. Unconditional love is not intended for being walked on, or taken advantage of, as I am sure you know. If I were you I would back up and take a bigger look at the picture. You say you want to marry this girl. Branden, marriage is the minority now days. Your foundation has to be so solid the day you walk down that aisle and although you may be there, the person you ask to take your hand better know beyond a shadow of a doubt they are going to fight to the death to make it work. Step back, be patient, and let God do work on her if this is his plan it will unfold. As for you…be wise look at things for what they are and not as a hopeless romantic, that is just not enough now days. -Eve

Dear Eve-
I am just getting into a relationship with a girl and we are planning on taking things slow. We would like to get to know eachother better before we take big emotional steps. My problem is that I quickly run out of things to talk about. Do you have any suggestions for conversation starters for new couples? - Micah

Micah,
Communication is very important. If you are someone who just gets a bit stuck at first, try doing things you are confident at. Choose an environment that allows the converstaion to flow. Try activities that bring back a lot of memories, if you went rock climbing when you were young go that, and share stories. Or tell her you want to do something she loves to do, plan event around her favorite activities and learn why she loves them so much. If you are shy because you just need to get to know someone a bit before feeling completely comfortable with discussion, give yourself a break sometimes and catch a flick. You can spend time together and have something to talk about after it's all done. Don't give yourself too much pressure to have awesome conversations, just let it flow. Physcial intimacy is something you never want to rush into, but so is personal and very emotional conversation. You still need to build a foundation of trust, that starts with getting to know eachother. The simple things in life, are sometimes the best, start there. Beware though, is conversation simply something you are bashful about, or do you just not have a lot in common...make sure you're not straining to do something as simple as talk
simply because you don't have similar interest.

Eve, who are you?
Phyllis
Wow, the first mind blowing question I've had. I'm still trying to figure that out, but here is what I know. There are a lot of things I try to be, and a lot of things I want to be, but this is who I am. I am a wife, not by an act of
marriage, or a title, but the core of me. Completely devoted to loving my spouse, in my soul, in the deepest part of me, I am the keeper of another beings heart. I am a believer in Christ as the son of God. In good times, and
bad, when I give up my faith or cling to it, at the end of the day, no matter what I have said or done, I belong to Jesus. I am the mother of my unborn or someday adopted children, in love with their little hands, tiny feet, mistakes,
broken promises, late nights out, and their development as children of God. I am a daughter, a bestfriend, and humanitarian. Lastly, I am an animal freak, protective over my Great Dane, Auzlan, and cat named Kitty..overly involved in their needs, wants, desires and completely taken by their companionship and need for love. This is who I am. Who I will become, I don't know, but at the end of the day when my hair is pulled back, my make-up off and my guard down, this is the one constant person I still am.

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Eve-
I am a single christian woman. I am dating someone and I am over 25. Everyone is eager or I would say impatient for me to get married. I am content to wait on God. However everyone else is impatient and they criticize me and that makes me uncomfortable. With My married friends, it's seems to be all they focus on and they try to set me up on dates. I want them to see that I am not just a woman who needs a man! They don't hang out with me as much because they are hanging out as couples. I have a boyfriend! but they still don't ask me to hang out. I am getting pressure from all around but not of it is coming from myself. How can I get people to respect my decision to wait on God?
Anonymous

Great question. As women in general, but Christian especially, there seems to be a marriage bomb that goes off when you hit an age that is acceptable for marriage. It's like grenades of questions, and pressure constantly explode around you, while you sit back and try to stay out of the war. When I first attended a Christian college I wore a small diamond on my left hand, it was a reminder to myself, that God was my spouse. Everyone around me FREAKED out, and continued asking, "what if guys think your engaged and don't ask you out?" My response was simple, "what if I don't care". They were shocked to hear that.It is rare to find a content single woman now days, and unfortunately you can not force your friends to see that. Continue to stay confident in your wait, and pay attention to who it matters most to, yourself and God. Be blunt, and tell them where you are in life, many people plain and simple don't understand it, because they never reached that point in their own single life. It is a challenge when friends get married because they tend to migrate towards other married couples, but continue to pursuit those
friendships. Go out one on one as just girls. Share their joy in marriage, but also share your joy and freedom in where you are with yourself and your relationship. Most likely they are acting in this way because they are excited
for you to be married and share that joy, but they also may have never known the joy of finding contentment in God during your season of singleness, I thought I didn't want to get married, God had me roped in close! But,the bottom
line is, don't burn bridges, even if you see your friends starting fires themselves.

-Eve

Eve,
I have been talking with another christian girl and we have been going out as friends. We like each other but she will be going away for school next year. But at times she brings up her ex-boyfriend which I find uncomfortable. She also asked me questions such as what turns me on, and will make sexual comments. I think she makes the comments as a joke and she says she is stil a virgin but i find it strange of the things that she says. What advice would you give to me??
-Anthony

Dear Anthony,
It is normal to bring up past relationships in conversations. It isn't something you should feel totally uncomfortable with, but there is a fine line of what is appropriate and what is not. Especially if you are in the "friend" stage, I
can't imagine her not bringing up an ex, there are no ties to you. Past relationships and what you hear about them are a good indication of what someone is looking for, or what to avoid, what they have been through, and
their future expectations. They can also be a great indication as to if this person seems like a good fit for you, as you learn about their take on relationships, and how they function, or what they think is appropriate in a
relationship. The foundation of my relationship with my husband could have never been built if he hadn't learned some things that triggered major anxiety for me, etc. due to past relationships. He learned to be cautious about raising his voice, to not make me feel too tied down, because I had a fear of committment from feeling trapped in a relationship, etc. So there are a lot of things to be learned, it is all a matter of how someone is applying that
information in conversation. As far as the sexual comments go, they are inappropriate, especially as friends, and even in a dating relationship if you are no where near marriage and are trying to stay on track with sexual purity.
I would carefully tell her where you stand, and I would question her intentions, and keep your guards up. If you are saving your wedding night for your wife, I wouldn't be afraid to put a "friend" in their place...and if that friend happens to one day end up being your wife, she'll thank you for it.

Sincerely your friend,
Eve

hey, i am currently trying to find out what's going on between me and this girl. I'm going on 18, and she's going on 16. We both went through a program where we put down standards, and she matches all of my standards, and she told her mom (one of my best friends) that i match all of hers. yet, she is currently dating a guy that she knows is below her. and at one point, she said i was just to good for her (she isn't true). i'm confused. can you please give me some advice or word of encouragement, cuz i'm killing myself trying to get the answer.
-Duke

Duke,
First I think it is important that you look at your ages. Maybe people bring it up, and maybe not...but there can be drastic differences in the behaviors of a 15 year old, and a 17 year old, not to mention you will be considered an adult soon, and she is still a minor. I don't know your full situation, but look at the big picture, are you headed off to college soon? Where will she be? Is she even old enough to know what she wants in a relationship? Standards change as people grow, but the fact that she thinks you're "too" good for her is an immature way of saying she's not interested, or she's not ready to actually take responsibility and go after what she knows is better for her.
Unfortunately, at the end of the day you can write down and have all the same standards in the world, but if that person is plain and simple giving excuses, they are not equally as interested. My advice is look at more than your piece of paper that matches up, and consider everything surrounding your situation. God bless you as you walk the journey and seek out that right person.

-Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Dear Eve,

I am a young Christian girl. But as many girls have I have made some REALLY bad mistakes with guys. One time I even talked about sex over the phone with a guy, if you catch my drift. I have never done anything physical like that though. I have asked God for forgiveness and I have decided to abstain from talking or even thinking about doing ANYTHING like that until I am married. I even got a purity necklace to remind me that I am worth the wait. So my question is, am I still a virgin? I understand that God said that thinking about it is the same as doing it so I assume that talking about it. Can God ever forgive me? Will I go to Hell? Will you please clarify these questions for me? Will you please give me some advice on how to forgive myself? I feel so ashamed. Please help.

Sincerely,
*~Nikki~*

Dear Nikki,
The most important thing I can ever tell you is to find a Christian female mentor in your church who can guide you through these questions and struggles. Like you, I myself grew up really wondering how to handle these situations and trying to figure out what God thinks. 1)yes you are still a virgin 2) God can and has already forgave you 3)No, you will not go to hell 4)Forgive yourself, if it is difficult write down your sins on a piece of paper ask for forgiveness and tear up the sheet when you are finished. The Bible is God's handbook for us
Nikki, and it is how God sets his standards for living...but realize you and I will never meet those standards without his grace and mercy...you will never be good enough that is why Christ came, to intercede for us, and talk to God on our behalves. Christ has not sinned, but he knows the struggle of the desire to sin, yet he has conquered that. He is the only one who has fulfilled those standards. So you can not assume you will ever be able to fulfill everything the Bible asks, but you should strive to live a right life, and when you fail and repent God offers forgiveness and looks upon those sins no longer. I think it is important that you know sex is not a sin, in fact God created us to be sexual beings, sex is a gift from him, it is a sin when used out of marriage, the same with sexual thoughts, it's where you take those thoughts that becomes a sin. A pastor once told me, "I discourage you from completing snuffing out sexual desires, it is natural...thank God for them, and simply remind yourself there will be a right time for those desires to be fulfilled, just not now. I encourage you again to get involved with a mentor. Nikki, may his grace be sufficient for you.

-Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

My wife doesn't like the fact that I keep in contact with old friends from high school (male and female) via the Internet. She definintely doesn't like a friendship that I have with a particular member of the opposite sex... but it isn't LIKE that. Should I just shrug off the old friends in her honor or try to convince her that I should be able to keep old friendships going? -Marcus

Dear Marcus,
Relationships are important, and so are honoring each others outside of your marriage. What is difficult is I do not know the full context of your friendship with this person. But I will say this, your marriage and union
always come first in earthly relationships. It doesn't take much now days for relationships to become "LIKE" that. You know the reasons why your wife doesn't like your relationship with this person, use sound judgement, if she had the same friendship with a male would you be bothered? None the less in my opinion old female friends should not hold a candle to the importance of your WIFE feeling she is being honored in your MARRIAGE. I highlight those because I think we take our responsibilty to our spouses and marriages too light now days...letting even the simplest things come between the union of us. But if having friendships in general is a problem that is something that truly needs to be worked on either together or with the help of a professional. You need outside relationships and support to keep you well balanced and able to maintain a healthy marriage.

-Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Not really a question, well maybe it is. I am a catholic/christian. I love Jesus so much, but I am probably the worst christian out there. Well maybe not the worst. I often think God plays games with me. I watch so many christian woman getting married around me all the time. I am very kind,attractive, funny, and smart. I am a passionate person and a deep thinker. I am becoming very bitter though. I am going on 32 and still not married. I keep waiting for the ball to drop, and for the Lord to give me a reason why? Maybe I am going to die at 32 maybe that's the reason. I don't get "out there on the prowl" but have tried the online christian dating service against my better judgement it was a wash. Then other christians tell me that "Well maybe God doesn't want you to have a husband". I say that's a lie!!! I hate pie-in-the-sky christianity!! It really pisses me off. Sorry. I would rather die then to live out my life alone and without a husband. What do you think? Do you have an answer? I have been crying over it for 3 years now, and nothing has changed. there is an invisible hole in the middle of my heart all the time and no one can see it but me. This is exhausting talking like this. See you. - Kyia

Kyia,
Waiting on the Lord is one of the hardest things to do. I understand your frustration, and I am sure many women have been there. I do want to say though, it is evident that you need to let go. Not let go of the hope of ever having a
husband, but of the bitterness towards God over it. Eventually that consumes you. When I finally met my husband it was at a point that I was so content in my heart with God, myself and my life. I didn't want to live single forever,
but I came to the point that I knew life was more than about marriage. If you would rather die, than live without a husband it is evident that the desire for marriage is consuming you. It is ok to let God know your frustrations, and I
assure you he sees the hole in your heart. But it is important that you give over the desires of your heart to him completely, and live your life to its full potential without a spouse. Life doesn't start when you are married, and marriage can never fix a broken person. If two people enter a marriage and one of them comes into it feeling unfulfilled with themself, the other person will constantly try to fill that void throughout your whole marriage, and thats an unfair expectation for your future husband to have put on him. Marriage is a gift, not a must. Focus on the relationships God has put around you, family, and friends, and take those to another level of devotion. In time, God will show you the plans he has for you. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me
with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord. Peace to you as you wait on the Lord, and seek him whole heartedly. - Eve

hi there,
I met this girl Phoebe while working at circle square ranch (Christian summer camp), and fell for her as soon as she said `hi my name is phoebe`. I knew that she liked me the ENTIRE summer, but due to staff policies I kept my distance and did`t move anything on relationship wise. she wrote me notes the odd time, I wrote her notes back (emphasis on SHE wrote me notes). I even have a close friend who had said during break they sat in the bathroom talking about me...a week after summer was over I emailed phoebe. I told her how I felt, and left it at that...i bluntly told her the truth and about how I`d felt this through out the summer and had committed countless nights and breaks to praying about her and myself. She said she didn't`t feel the same way anymore...we kept in touch, and I thought I`d give it another try when Christmas came around, I felt a tug in mid December to write to her...so I did...I asked her out..she said she wasn't`t ready for a boyfriend, and that there was a girl out there who was perfect for me in every way...SHE FEELS PERFECT FOR ME IN EVERY WAY!!!...UGH!...so I lost contact for a bit, and tried to forget about her...I met another girl..she was the opposite of phoebe in every way, isn't christian, not the same morals as me..I cut things off before she thought I wanted to date her...and about 3 weeks ago I got back in contact with phoebe, she contacted me...she's so interested in how I'm doing, what I'm doing...I went to england for my grandfather's funeral and she emailed me wanting to know how things were going, she specifically said she didn't care where I was or what time it was, she wanted to know how things were with my family, because I was reuniting with family I hadn't seen for about 12 years...I couldn't believe this change in situation...and she feels like the on for me...I feel like throwing up or I get a headache when I'm NOT thinking about her..I pray constantly about it and it all feels so right...she's perfect for me, but I don't know if I'm perfect for her...I don't want to ask because I've done so already...I'm afraid that she's leading me on without knowing it....or that I'm not reading the signals again...please give me some advice on what to do...I've never dated before, and I'm the kind of guy who wants my first to be my last..and she's the same way...I'm thinking on asking her out to dinner and some sort of entertainment...but I don't know if I should wait a bit...or...help me out her, it's so confusing!...

ps: I probably sound stupid saying I'm confused about a girl I know I love and think she's interested in me...but I need a second opinion.
thanks so much.
-john

Dear John,
The quickest way to clear up mixed signals is to talk about it, as you have before. Communication is a foundational must in any relationship. While you may be afraid of asking her because you don't want to be rejected, it is better to
find out sooner rather than later. There is obviously some interest there for her, whether it is friendship or relationship...I don't know, and that's what you need to find out. If it is a friendship that she wants and you feel you can not handle that, than you need to put your boundaries in place. As for wanting to date only one person before marriage...sometimes things work out that way, and sometimes they don't. As Christians we have this ideal of meeting our Adam or Eve with out any conflict...in a fallen world it is not that easy. So keep your boundaries in place, and let God do the work as He writes your love story. But as for the ending or beginning to this one, communication is the key!

God Bless,
Eve

Dear Eve,
I have a 17 year old daughter that is pregnant. i was always able to communicate with her. I need to know if abortion is the right thing to do? - Marie

Dear Marie,
I don't know where your stance is with faith, but as a believer in Jesus Christ I do not believe in abortion. I do not believe in taking a life that God considers a gift, whether it was a mistake or not. God has a plan for each of us whether we have planned for children or not.

Psalm 139:13-16 says "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your work's are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one came to be."

The life of a child is the most precious thing to God, and that includes your child's life during this tough time. As a woman who has had 3 sisters who had their first child at the age of 15, I can testify to the fear, and struggles they have had in raising their kids, but further more I can say they have been a blessing more than anything. I know many women who have gone through with abortions as a quick secret fix, only to find themselves suffering more with guilt, shame, and moral heartache over their decisions. It may seem at the moment that abortion is the easiest decision, but don't let a quick fix fool you, there are just as many consequences to face with abortion, as adoption, or becoming a teen mom. However, abortion is the end of a life. An unexpected child does not mean the end of your child's life, just a change, there is a lot of support out there, and hundred's of desperately waiting couples to care for a child in need. We are here to support you at prodigal son. If you and your daughter have more questions or would like to speak with someone in private who has had personal experience with an abortion, raised a child as a teen, or gave a child up for adoption, we would be more than happy to connect you with people. You can write us back at this address and we will quickly conncect you. God bless you, and carry you in this time, as you seek wisdom an to guide your daughter.

In His love,
Eve

Eve-

I am having trouble getting over my last girlfriend. We were together for about a year and we spent every waking moment with each other. There were many times where we were stressed out about work, money and how physical our relationship had been. We knew that our problem was that we were relying on eachother for help and not putting God at the head of our relationship. I was dealing with alot of bitterness from my past and I know that was one of the factors. I knew I had to change and I did. About 5 months ago I was deployed to Iraq and during my time over here wasd the most loneliest time in my life and all I had was God. I changed my ways and was focusing my life towards Him. God has shown me so much and as given me so much joy I cant wait to get back home and follow my desires which is to get back into Youth Ministry. When I left my last girlfriend and I were still together, she had a knew sense of joy and happiness to cause she also turned back to God. Well she sent me an email saying that she wants to start our relationship over from scratch and I was excited because I wanted the same thing. I wanted to start over with God leading us. She also said that she isnt ready to start a relationship right now, because she was focused on God and I know I wasnt ready for one because of the things I was dealing with in my life over here and some of the bitterness. SHe also told me that if she were to get involved with anyone it would be me cause she said that she still loved and cared about me and that I still have a piece of her heart. Well about a two weeks or more after that email. Shen went home for Easter and to see her friends and family, because she moved to get away for any distractions that would interfere with her relationship with God. After that weekend I recieved another email telling that she doesnt think that she could ever cross the line of friendship again and doesnt feel that we are to be together. This came to a shock to me cause she wanted to get back together again and before she wrote me telling me how much she missed missed me and loved me and cant wait to put her arms around me when I get home. I then found out that she started seeing another guy while she was visiting for Easter. I was heart broken and still am but I surrendered that all to God because I did not want to be bitter again and I still love this person alot and I thought that we were going to get married at least that was what my intentions were when the time was right. I feel that she broke up with me because she was affraid that I had not changed and that if we dated again then she would turn away from God but that would not be the case because my focus is on God. Its just hard to show her because im in Iraq. My questions are this, why do you think she all of a sudden after telling me that I was the only one she was interested in and wanting to start over, to totally disregarding me and dating another guy? Also, what should I do? In my heart I feel that this person is the one for me and I feel that maybe in a year or so, my last girlfriend will see the work God is doing in my life and we will get back together. I have been prayering non-stop about this and I just need some advice from a Christian woman. Should I just walk away from her completely and lose any hope that I might have involving us getting back together? Thank your for your time and prayers. Sorry its so long.

Dear Shawn,
As you can imagine women are some of the most difficult creations on earth, I have yet to have figured myself out. However, in a long distance, non-committed relationship, it's not surprising that your ex-girlfriend has quickly change
her mind about your relationship, there is no guarantee of what is to come, or how things will work out. But I do think you are on the right path. I would continue focusing on God, and completing your time in Iraq. To let your heart
be whooed from afar is a daring, and vulnerable thing to do. Even solid marriages struggle and waiver when men are off at war, so be careful. You have more to protect yourself from than what is just going on around you physically, but also emtionally. Continue to focus on God, and put yourself in control of the situation. If she emails you again, changing her mind back to wanting to be with you, put your foot down. I'm not saying crush those options, but be mature enough to protect yourself so you do not end up in a love war, while trying to
care for yourself in Iraq, and focusing on God. If there is nothing you can solidify until you are home, and if it is God's will, let Him do the work while you wait and grow. Patience is a sign of spirtual growth, and maturity.

Praying for your protection,
-Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Thank you Eve for letting God use you the way He is. My question: Both my girlfriend (Amber) and I have been dating for more than two years and have been serious talking about engagement. We are both college students and are 19 years of age. The problem is, Amber's mom wants her to "be 19 and live", which does not involve christian values. She greatly opposes our consideration for marriage and "does not condone it". How does a guy handle this situation? It is evident that God brought us both together for a very significant purpose, but as a man I want to honor her parents. What would you suggest we do in regards to Amber's mom's feelings towards our relationship?
-Josh

Dear Josh,

I commend your desire to be respectful of your girlfriend's parents. A verse I have for both of you is 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." When you are a living a life centered in Christ sometimes parents don't understand it. But don't be discouraged. My advice to the both of you would be to find spiritual parents, if you do not
have the support of your parents for living a godly life. I'm not saying completely disreguard everything her mom is saying, because God still uses our parents to help us see areas we need growth in. But find a support team that
knows both of you as individuals, as a couple and spiritually. Ask there opinion and go to them for prayer and support if marriage is truly where you see God is leading you both. There does come a point where we have to grow up and make decisions for ourselves, but it is also understandable that her mom feels she is too young for marriage, she is barely out of her nest. Just get as much support as possible from spiritual leaders around you. Even the Bible says marriage is going to be difficult, and Christians are not at any less of a risk
than non-Christians for divorce to occur. So when you enter into that union you need to know you have solid people around you who are committed with you, to make it work. And continue to set an example to your girlfriend's mom.

-Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Eve, I have a problem with laying down some feelings that i have for this girl. I know that I'm not anywhere near being ready for a serious relationship yet, in my heart i want one. In the past ive liked girls and i've prayed them away, but this one is taking a very long time to lay down. If you we're in my situation, and you liked another man (assuming you weren't married), how would you go about laying that down? Thank you. - Josh

Dear Josh,
I am proud of you for being willing to prepare yourself for a relationship before jumping into one. I too have prayed away a few interests during my season of single life, but it was because they were extremely inappropriate for
me. But just because you are focused in your single season, doesn't mean you need to pray away girls or interests. Perhaps you might want to ask God to give you a focused heart, so that you can continue serving Him, and build a friendship with this person. God isn't asking us to avoid liking people, or being interested in the opposite sex, in fact how will He ever bring us our spouses if we pray them away everytime. If I were you Josh, I would ask God what plans He has for this person in my life. Maybe you know it is not to date her, but maybe He wants for you to be a significant part of her life, a witness...etc. We both live in the world, and we also have to live in the
reality of it. People are going to come in and out of our lives, and we may or may not have interest in them, however we can not always just pray them away...but what we can do...is learn how to be self disciplined and serve God,
even when our hearts are pulling in different directions. Ask God what HIS plans are for you, if you are praying and still having a hard time laying down your feelings, maybe you are praying for the wrong thing.

-Sincerely,
Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Hi Eve.
I'm a 24 year old divorcee. Last year, my exwife left me stating "I've realized recently that I never really loved you with the passion one needs to be married. I've just loved you like a boyfriend." She didn't even want to try to work things out, so unfortunately she was already so disengaged from me by the time she told me how she felt, that she just left. Obviously, I had every intention of being with her for the rest of my life, but since the final divorce, I have had an amazing amount of peace and healing due (I'm sure) to the awesome support of my family, friends, my church family and of course, by the grace of God.

My question is thus: How long do most women (or at least just you) think a man needs to be "over" his previous marriage? I know the large truth that you are never wholly "over" a marriage, beacause of the bond you've shared with that person, but as far as a person can be, I know that I truly am "over" it (I'm sure you understand what I'm saying by now).

I belive I'm ready to start dating again. I kept to a time that I set aside, once my wife divorced me, for porposefully being single to get back in touch with myself as a single person, and to concentrate on Christ as the love that I need. I feel like I'm at a point where I'm ready to date again, but I just don't want to seem... too eager, I think would be a good way of putting it, because I know some women might see it that way, even though that's not the case.
Thank you, and I look forward to your hearing your opinion.

Jason

Jason,
First and foremost, I am sorry to hear of your situation. Your ability to share this with other readers is going to be a blessing to those who are going through a similar situation. Thank you for trusting Prodigal Son, we will be praying for you. As for dating again, I agree with you that being divorced is something you will probably have to deal with on different levels. Processing your feelings and circumstances will happen not only during and after the
divorce, but also when you start dating again, and start the process of trusting and loving someone all over again. So I don't think it is possible to just set a time limit and say, no one should date until they have been divorced
for two years, or three etc. I think you have done the right thing by giving yourself time to become familiar with single life again and Christ. My only advice would be to take things slow. Keep surrounded by the love of your family and those who can hold you accountable. But most importantly don't expect your heart to jump back in the game as soon as you might like it to. When you break a leg, you don't take off the cast and start sprinting. You go easy breezy. Hang out with friends, in groups, get a feel for yourself in the dating environment again, and let your heart guide you. When you come from a marriage, you might be eager to be one on one with someone again right away, and presume the same role you had as a husband, but take it slow. I am sure you will realize whether your heart is ready or not for romance. As for me, I would probably feel more comfortable if I knew the guy was taking things easy, going out in groups etc, after he was divorced. I would always want to build a friendship first.

-Prayerfully thinking of you,
Eve


Enter your question: Ask Eve

I know I've got years to find Ms. Right, being 19. But my question is, why do I have to wait so long? I'm ready or at least I'm miserable without someone romanticly close to me. Im a nice guy and girls cry to me when the 'jerks' abuse and mistreat them. So basically, why are nice guys STILL finishing last after this type of treatment?

Forever perplexed,
Chad

Chad,

I understand your feelings. When I was 19 I felt the same way. But the one thing God really taught me was, I needed to surrender my life to Him. Sound fun? Not at all! But when we give our lives to God, we are suppose to give Him everything. I had to let go of my desire to be with someone for several reasons. 1. I didn't know if it was God's will for me to be married or stay single 2. My thoughts, time, and energy were being waisted on day dreaming
about love. When I finally surrendered being "miserable" without someone God was able to show me why He had me in the season of singleness. Chad, there is so much to accomplish when you surreneder your desires to God. After I focused on myself, and the other important relationships in my life God blessed me. 4 out of 5 of my siblings became Believers in Christ, and so did my nieces and nephews. I stopped chasing guys,and started a children's Bible Study. More importantly, I became an individual. If you are not happy by yourself, you can not expect for a relationship to "Make" you happy. It is crucial that you are able to be single and feel you are living an abundant life by yourself without the "NEED" to be with someone else, which can quickly lead to an unhealthy, unbalanced relationship. Your happiness should never depend on a romantic relationship with someone. There are many, many, many relationships God has put in our lives to bring us joy. While you are waiting on Ms. Right, focus on your
other relationships, and who knows, along the way you might bump into her.

With great understanding,
Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Dear Eve-
If a guy were going to ask you out for the first time, where or what type of date would intrigue you?
-Phil

Dear Phil-
I am going to go off the first thought that entered my head, a little out there but intriguing:... I would say maybe a nice relaxed dinner to get to know each other better and then show your creative side with a lakeside or oceanside bonfire. You can do smores, and have some quiet time alone to talk. Then it depends how much you know this person already, but it leaves open the option for an excuse to cuddle by the fire or the chance of spontaneity with a hop in the water! (which is the approach my now husband took, after he dared me to jump in with him!) Of course, this may be a bit much if you are complete strangers, and in that case a nice cup of coffee is always a safe bet. Good Luck
-Eve

Dear Eve-
Well, we are the same age Eve... we think a lot alike as I have been reading all of your answers... but my question is... How did you and your husband meet? What boundaries did you guys set. What did you do biblically in your relationship. Were you both pure before marriage and if so how did that affect your wedding night... (that is personal yes, but my reason for asking is some people including myself are not virgins) and if one of yous were not pure before marriage, how did the one who stayed pure react... I ask my questions like this... because... As I said we think alike as far as the questions on here and your responses... but I just want to know the things that I am in right now... that you have moved ahead in as you ARE married and I am on my way to marriage... to a beautiful, God-loving woman and we are at that point in our relationship where we are taking time apart as we are talking marriage just to grow close to the Lord and honour him and strengthen our individual relationship with God before we join together... did you go through that... a time where you knew ok... I believe this is the one for me I know it is... but we just need to take some time before entering the oneness of marriage and just think, pray, grow individually before we do take this HUGE step... thanks for your time... and God Bless... and hey... to be our age and doing what you are doing... that is to be commended... God Bless... and may God move through you and give you wisdom to discern that which the Holy Spirit would give to you to speak unto the men and women coming to you for help, questions, advice, etc... GOD BLESS
-Shaun

Dear Shaun,
My husband and I met in volleyball class at college. It was a slow relationship that started out as a friendship founded in the Lord at a critical time in my spouse's Christian life. Our boundaries were set within our friendship and as we moved into an intimate relationship, it seemed God had scripted in our hearts the desire to keep ourselves pure from that moment forth regardless of our past. We both have our own rocky history, but we forgave each other prior to our wedding night and spoke about starting over, never slandering each other for our pasts, because that is something God would never do. It is something to maybe talk about in pre-marital counseling especially if one of you has a history and the other doesn't. Prior intimate moments outside of marriage can be re-stirred on the wedding night, and it is important to prepare yourself as a couple with prayer for that. As for time away, God calls each couple to their own preparation, ours was to keep our focus on Him, but not necessarily apart from each other for an amount of time. God bless you on your walk to marriage, I believe each couple has to figure out for themselves what God is calling them to do. Just keep your ears open and your eyes fixed on him. -Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Hello Eve, I just wanted to have your opinion...(I live in France so I'm sorry if my english isn't too good :)hope you'll understand). I have a friend in my class that asked me out, I like her a lot and care for her, but she is a catholic (accords too much importance to Mary and prays to the saints : I'm against that. I belive in God and that Jesus died for our sins. You pray to Jesus or God but no saints ! I'm not part of any group (cathlic, protestants...) I gather each sunday with other brothers and sisters who seek Gods will (in the Bible). I never really went out with someone...I invited her to "church"=group of people who belive in Christ. Do you think I should wait until she is saved ? Or can I start going out with her ? (can you show me the passages in the Bible ?)

First, I want to be clear that, I don't agree that Catholics are unsaved because they pray to the saints or to Mary. I have met many strong Christian Catholics, many take part in only some of the traditions. Likewise, there are a lot of Lutherans, Baptists, etc who don't have a personal relationship with Jesus as well, so be careful with quick judgement. But the discretion is for you to decide with this friend. If she is saved ask yourself what will your foundation be for a family, what beliefs would your kids be taught? Being saved is not the only requirement for dating, look ahead to your future, and potential struggles. Even Christians get divorced, there are natural conflicts in marriage, and how much more difficult than for it to come from your faith. But if you truly believe she isn't saved I encourage you not to focus on whether or not she is saved so that you can date her, but so you can show her the true love of knowing Christ, that is our first commission as believers. I encourage you truly, to seek first the kingdom of God, and to trust him to the rest.

Verse
2 Corinthians 6:4 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do
righteousness and wickedness have in common?"

-Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

Eve-
I met this girl that I am in love with so much and she also loves me but her parents are muslim and they are saying that they will not let her marry to me. She is finding it very hard to come with me or go with her parents. But if she comes with me and gets married to me, she will lose all contact with her family because she married a christian and now goes to church. I need help.
~Wes

Dear Wes,
Family union is not something to take lightly, as you know. I guess my first question is...is she a Christian? Your first obligation is to protect your heart and your family, before you even start it. Knowing you are equally yoked with your spouse should be your first concern. Will she only go to church if she marries you? What are her personal beliefs? Some ones faith should not be built on or around the person they are with. Take your focus from her family for a moment and ask yourself those tough questions first. My guess is if she were a Christian her family's first concern would be with her and not you. Taking someone and separating them from their family does not instinctly change their beliefs. Will you be able to have a household where the word of God is deeply planted in both of your hearts? A place where your children will grow up with a strong Biblical faith, or will their be an intertwining with the muslim faith? If she is a Christian and her heart is set on God and she has a solid faith and loves you, that is a sacrifice she will have to make, to have the faith she wants as part of her life. Christ did not say it would be easy, but he said families would be divided because of his name. If anyone is to divide her from her family, let it be her love for Christ.
May God enlighten your paths.
-Eve

Enter your question: Ask Eve

As a Christian Woman, I am sure you were looking for a spouse that had kept himself pure for you. My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now, and I know she is the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. However, she is a virgin and I am not. I only became a strong believer recentlly and I made a couple mistakes in the past. Anyway, I feel like she may think I'm not the right guy because I did not stay pure for her. I know this is something she has to get over before we can move on to the next level. Any advice with how I should handle it? Would you have married someone that you were falling in love with, even if he had messed up sexually in the past?
Thanks for your time
-James

James-
I have had situations around me like this from both sides. I know girls and guys that have had to confront this same issue, and not known what to do. The fact comes down to a true purification of the heart, and true forgiveness. If you have asked God to forgive you, then he has wiped your slate clean and made you pure again. You are a "new creation in Him" and therefore a virgin once again in his eyes. Secondly, you must go to her for forgiveness but also to ask for understanding. She must realize that not everyone is brought up with strong values, and that if you were not a Christian, your convictions had yet to be established. These are not excuses but just facts, and hopefully she can see that she would not be marrying the old you. However, this is a delicate process that you can't force. Be considerate of her feelings, and God will do the work in her heart for you. Obviously, I don't know if she is the one for you or not, but if she is, God will give her such a heart of understanding and forgiveness she will honestly look at you as a new man.
Blessings,
-Eve

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Eve-
I have been married for 2 years now, and my wife and I are starting to put together our life goals. The only problem is, some of our goals are different and some of them even clash with each other when it comes to timing. For example, we both want to go to Grad School, but we can only afford one of us to go for now. Any advice? My wife and I really just want another Christian's opinion or experience. Thanks
Jeremy and Jess

Wow, do I know how that feels. (<; Becoming one is a lot harder than it seems, especially when it comes to prioritizing your lives. Some things to consider are the benefits of one going to grad school over the other. Ask yourselves questions such as: Will it hurt us financially if the one with the higher income goes to grad school first? Or what about a family, will your wife struggle getting through grad school with a new born baby at her side or vice versa? Compromise is everything. My husband can make more financially and pursue some jobs in his field right out of college, but I can not make a great salary or pursure my career without grad school, these are the issues to think over. The main point is start thinking "US" and not my goals vs her's.

EVE-
Hi, i am a 24 yr old male with the bad luck of always being known as the "nice guy", who is friends with everyone. This should make it very apparent that i never get a date... and from what i see, "because i am too nice"! This makes no sense to me. A girl is always saying how she want a nice guy, but
in reality she is ALWAYS more attracted to the bad guy. I have found a girl that i think is interested in me, do you suggest i just bluntly ask her out for coffee or something? Is being forward better? Should i be my "nice" self?
Thanks for your input**
-Dave S.

Sometimes nice is not the answer. There seems to be an invisible line that pushes nice guys into the friend pile. Nice is good, but too nice is friendly. If you notice a pattern of becoming the guy who always becomes the friend, and you are simply just a guy who is REALLY nice then maybe straight forward is your answer. That way you can yourself, but she knows your intentions are to be more than just friends. Be nice, with a little more flirtation & intention.
-Eve (;

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Dear Eve-
What does it require of a man to gain respect from his spouse or girlfriend? What attributes must he have? What actions other than love? - Anonymous

Sometimes respect is not a matter of the person trying to gain it, but how the person on the other end perceives it. Unconditional Biblical love covers a multitude of necessities when trying to gain respect; attributes like: patience, kindness, honesty, etc. can open the door for respect in many ways. However sometimes it is simply more practical ways such as: listening to her when she speaks, honoring her body, and living an upright godly life of your own in front of her and behind closed doors. Being a man of honor with your words, actions, and lifestyle gains more respect in my book than anything. Respect can not be summed up in a formula, it takes time, trust, patience, and communication. - Eve

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Dear Eve-
I've been with a girl on and off-mostly on, for 5 1/2 years. We've talked about marriage a lot, obviously. I love her very much, and feel like she is the one. But I still have doubts. How do I know if she really is the one? After all the messes and struggles in life and hard times we've been through together, we always stay together. I feel like it's God saying that she's the one, but how do I really know? Our lives are going to take a drastic change in a few months as we both have commitments to the Army. There will be months, maybe a year that will go bye when I might not see her once. But I still feel like she's the one, but...I'm not sure. How do I know?
- Brent

"I shall Stand on the watch tower and wait for the Lord, to hear what he will reply to my question" Habakkuk 2:3. When you aren't quite sure, wait on God for the answer. He will answer. For me, it was a vision of my husband and I getting married, followed up with several confirmations. Do not do anything out of rush. I know a couple who was rushed by military circumstances and they are now divorced. Doubts are a clue that you are not ready to marry this girl. You should have a peace and confidence before entering into the most sacred committment of your life. God's time is not rushed, maybe she is the right one but the timing is wrong, that can cause doubts. Pray and pray hard and he will speak to you. We will be praying for you as well in this tough season of life.

-Eve

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Dear Eve-
As a Christian woman, what is your perspective on the whole "Man as head of household" debate? Have these roles changed since bible times?
-Aaron

Biblically speaking there is an argument concerning the verse proceeding Ephesians 5:22-24. The verse reads submit to one another out of reverence for Christ before going into "Wives submit to your husbands..." Many scholarly people will argue this verse sets the scene for the instructions to wives and husbands. In my own personal marriage I have learned it takes a trusting Christ centered marriage to allow your husband to be the head of the household. Husbands are instructed to love their wives as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her. In essence there is a balance of both people giving themselves up for one another but in a different way. For husbands this role does entail being the head of the household, but also sacrificing much of himself for his wife. I do believe this is relevant to today's time.
-Eve

NOTICE From a Recent Comment

"I find it interesting that you can so clearly give an opinion on the roles women and men play in marriage that seems stated as fact, but is based in majority on your own personal experience. Paul clearly says that husband and wife should submit to eachother, which you state, then you take the verse on women submitting completely out of historical context--which you cannot do unless you want to contend that in the following chapter Paul is supporting slavery. Feel free to have an opinion, and to relay your own experience from your marriage--but, please, state is as that--your opinion."

Response :: Please remember as the introduction states, this whole section is based on one Christian woman's opinion and perspective and should always be read as such. As many of us know the Bible is interpretated through different contexts. Therefore not all questions will dive into complete theological discussion, but will be answered as one woman's opinion. Thank you

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