It was my first day of high school and I walked to the center of campus to meet with my friends, anxious about the beginning of this new chapter of life. I came down the walkways and met up with my friends hanging out over by the side. We talked about the summer and the new experiences we were about to have. We discussed how cool we were now that we were in high school and how horrible band camp had been only a few weeks prior. This was where we wanted to be and now, our journey was beginning.

Within a couple of moments, my eyes locked on to someone that I had never seen before. She was beautiful, more stunning than any model or actress that had ever graced the runway or the big screen. I stared for a moment, watching her talk to her friends and absorbing the look of her face. She had a beautiful smile and a glow about her that I marveled at from a distance. I didn’t know her name and I knew nothing about her. In just a few seconds though, I knew that I wanted to know her. Her eyes were alluring and her overall demeanor nothing short of angelic.

I would see her here and there around campus and during the first football game, she was standing there in her cheerleading uniform. I asked one of the upperclassmen who she was and he told me that her name was Cassie Wright. He followed that much needed information with the ever reaffirming, “Forget about it, freshman. You don’t stand a chance.” He offered to introduce me to her and talked about how nice she was as a person, but I was way too nervous to even make an attempt to talk to her. She was seventeen and I was only thirteen. She was a cheerleader and I was a band geek. I didn’t like my chances too well!

Most of us have faced that situation in our lives, haven’t we? There is a beautiful woman there in front of us, someone we would like to get to know, but we feel too nervous to go and talk to her. Every night that year, I would assure myself that the next day would be the day where I would speak to her and at least try to get to know something about her. I would even rehearse what I would say, sometimes in the mirror, so that I wouldn’t say something incredibly stupid or look awkward when I said it. The following day, however, was always a replication of the day before. I would see her, get nervous, and walk the other way. The whole year would pass and I never said a word to her. It was something that I have always regretted but it was also something that caused me to investigate myself so that I would not make the same mistake again.

All of us need a little motivation to step out and talk to some women who we feel are out of our league. Here are five steps to avoid living a lifetime of regret and make your journey over to where she stands. Take each step and you will find yourself talking to her and who knows what God will do after that.

1 – Value Yourself

“Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29-31)

One of the great problems that I have struggled with most of my life, and many of you struggle with as well, is a lack of self-confidence. Many times, when we look in the mirror, we do not see David Beckham looking back at us and we convince ourselves that we are unworthy of certain people’s attention. We have to find our value in God, understanding that He is our Creator and He created us just the way that we are. My view of myself stopped me from talking to Cassie on over one hundred different occasions. I had defeated myself before I even got near her. God loves us just the way we are and our insecurities are from Satan. If I could have seen myself as “good enough”, there is a possibility that I could have had a friendship with her, because she was accepting of everyone.

2 – Start with a mindset of friendship

“A friend loves at all times.” (Proverbs 17:17)

We have to see that any good relationship starts with friendship. We can never have too many friends. In my mind, I was already planning my wedding with Cassie, even to the point that I had envisioned what house we would have and what her wedding dress would look like. That poor girl wasn’t even getting any input in her own wedding! (At least I did stop short of naming our children!) That mindset made it much more difficult for me to talk to her because I felt like it had to be perfect…I had to say everything exactly right. If we are looking to start a friendship with someone first, we can feel less pressure, even if we do mess up and not say the right things. Also, relationships come and go, but friendships are something that can remain intact for a lifetime.

3 – Remember that opportunities are not endless

“Yet you do not what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” (James 4:14)

So often, we put things off until tomorrow. What if we do not have tomorrow or if our tomorrows run out? There was always a tomorrow for me until the last day of school and I never saw her again. As Horace once wrote, “Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero – Seize the day, trusting little in the future.” When we seize an opportunity, we have to worry less about fate opening that door again. We read the words of James and it tells us to live in those moments that we are given because it could be the last moment that we have. As we look at that woman we wish to get to know, we have to see that this could be our only chance.

4 – Be open to God’s will

“yet not as I will, but as You will.” (Matthew 26:39b)

One of the ways to take pressure off of ourselves is to understand and look for the will of God in the situation. If we are seeking God, then we do not have to be letdown if only a friendship ensues. We can take joy in that friendship or even just in the one conversation that we have because God has a plan for it. People are put in our lives and cross our paths for a reason and we have to investigate God’s will to see why they are placed there at that moment. I was completely focused on my will with what I wanted with Cassie, when I should have looked to see why God placed us there at that time.

5 – Forget failure

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

You can do it. All you have to do is think that you can do it and follow through. We talk ourselves out of opportunities all of the time but we must rely on the power of Christ. She may be there because that is the one that God has prepared for you. She may be there to be a friend to you for the rest of your life. She may be there because you are to tell her about the love of God and to show it. No matter what, we have to stop looking at things as opportunities to fail or fall. If we don’t, we will never step out in faith in the course of our lifetime.

I learned from this colossal mistake and it changed my life. There hasn’t been anyone that I would not talk to from that point on because I did not want to repeat the mistake that I had made with Cassie. Though we all have things in our past that we wish that we would have done differently, we can learn from each one of those mistakes and change the way we live today. It is my hope and prayer that you will learn from my mistake and take a leap of faith in your life. Where she is now, I do not know, but I do know that God used her to teach me something even though she and I never spoke a word to one another. Take a chance and speak to that one you thought you could never speak to; you never know what might happen.

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