In part 1 of this article I suggested 4 things a person can do to avoid the suffering and disappointment so many single people experience while dating. Those four things were:

1. Get Right with God
2. Focus on Friendship First
3. Be Satisfied with Singleness
4. Go in a Group

Now in part 2 I would like to offer an additional 5 tips for doing relationships God’s way.

5. Only Be Alone in a Crowd

This is one piece of dating advice that I always get push back from when I share it with guys. One dude will always respond, “How will I be able to get to know someone in a deeper, more intimate way if there are other people around?” Trust me, if you put in a little creative and you’ll be able to come up with lots of ideas. But in case you have no creative energy here are a few freebies: go for a walk at a public park, meet at a mall, meet at a hockey game and have a quiet conversation while you’re sitting next to one another. Heck, there’s a Starbucks every 2 miles, find one and meet there.

What you don't want to do is put yourself in a compromising sexual situation under the idea of getting to get to know someone. The concern when you spend time alone with a person you’re interested in is that you are playing a very dangerous game designed to hurt you. Why do I say that? Because God designed our bodies to have very specific longings and urges that heighten when we are alone and emotional intimate with another person (men, I know I don’t have to explain the way your body goes on sexual auto pilot when you are near an attractive woman), and when we put ourselves in situations enough times we will eventually cross lines we never meant to cross. 1 Corinthians 6:18 warns that we should "Flee from sexual immorality." The best way to do this is to avoid altogether those situations where you’d be forced to flee.

6. Purity is a Prerequisite

If we are serious about doing relationships God’s way than we had better be serious about doing relationships with purity. If there is one thing about dating that the Bible is absolutely clear on it is the fact that the sexual experience is reserved for the marriage relationship. 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 is one of the most serious texts on sex and sexual behavior. At it’s most basic level it says, "Keep your hands off and your pants on!" Not a perfect Greek translation I know but I trust you get the point.

I know that right now some dude reading this is saying to himself, "Ok, I get it. No sex. But where is the line?" And the answer is simple…you’re asking the wrong question. The question is not “Where is the line?”, but “When is the time?” And the answer to that question is marriage. As a prominent pastor says, “The issue is not how far I can go, but that you don't get going at all until you’re married.”

7. Ask for Accountability

One of the hardest things a guy can do is invite another guy into his life to keep him in check. Our pride gets in the way. I mean, if we wouldn’t even ask for directions to the bowling alley, why would we ask for directions in dating matters? But as often happens in life, it is the hardest things to do that are the most beneficial.

About a month ago I was driving home from work, listening to my Ipod and being completely oblivious to my surroundings. All of a sudden I heard a train horn blaring not far in front of me. Praise the Lord for that horn because it shook me from my daze just in time for me to slam on my brakes before driving right into the side of a train. This is what accountability does. It blows a horn and shakes us from the “lovey dovey” haze clouding our minds.

Inviting a friend or two into your life and giving them the green light to ask you tough questions will help you identify the motives and weaknesses deep within yourself that you have no idea exist. True friends will help you remove the blinders that your feelings create so that you can evaluate your dating relationship more clearly. It is not an easy thing to do, but your dating will be better because of it.

8. Be Mindful of Your Motives

I would venture a guess that 4 out of 5 daters couldn’t give a Bible-honoring, God-glorifying reason why they are dating. Let me say this - before you date you had better be able to articulate the reason why you want to date someone exclusively or else you’re just wasting time and using people.

Go ahead and take a moment to evaluate your current relationships.

o Can you honestly answer why dating this/that person is more advantageous than developing a friendship through group activities?
o What are you hoping to get from the exclusivity of the relationships? What are you giving?
o What do you gain, and what do you lose, by exclusively dating someone?

These are the types of questions daters should be able to answer. The fact is, when we are honest, many times it is motives of sexual desire or emotional loneliness that drive us to pursue dating, when we really should be pursing Jesus. No human person will be able to fill the holes in our lives we need filled. Those are God-shaped holes that only Jesus will fill.

9. Be Cautious with Your Commitments

The Bible teaches in Ecclesiastes that "It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Let not your mouth lead you into sin, and do not say before the messenger that it was a mistake." Later, in the Gospels, Jesus echoes this with his teaching that our "Yes should be Yes and our No should be No."

Exclusively dating another person binds you to that person and creates commitments between the two of you that can leave lasting bruises should the relationship end. As men and woman following Jesus we need to be mindful of what our words and actions are articulating (intentionally and non-intentionally) to others. Sexual behavior is probably the most common way people make vows that they are not serious about keeping. Men are particularly guilty of this. A woman gives herself physically to a man, thinking that by his reception of her he is offering his emotional companionship back to her. A bond is created which will be very painful to break. If you are not ready or seeking marriage don’t do the types of things that will bind your emotions with another person's. It is not to God’s glory that Christian men and women would use and hurt one another in this way.

Conclusion

The water of dating relationships that must be navigated can be choppy and treacherous. Learning to captain the ship of your life in a manner that glorifies God is difficult. But, ultimately, it is the only thing truly rewarding. When men and women do relationships God’s way they edify and bless one another. The marriages that result are deep and built on authentic love and friendship that will last for the long haul. If you follow the 9 Tips for Doing Relationships God’s Way you will find yourself sailing against the currents of culture, but on the day you stand next to your mate you will be deeply grateful and blessed from heaven above.

Read Part 1

Read more from Brenton at http://brentonbalvin.blogspot.com/

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