I remember when I was fourteen years old. I went through an experience that was life changing. Honestly, I thought I was the only one on the face of this planet that did what I did and I felt an overwhelming guilt I had never felt before. I felt alone, isolated, knowing I could never tell another soul about the “sin” that I had just experienced. The sad part about it was that I was seriously involved in my church youth group and you would think that I would feel comfortable enough to discuss this struggle I was going through with my friends or leaders at my church. But, that simply was not the case. You may not know what I am talking about, but I am talking about masturbation. Yes, I said it. The problem is the church never discusses this. Over 90% of the male population have struggled with this at some time or another in their life and the statistic for women who have struggled with it is somewhere between 40-50%. Why is this topic never discussed?? Especially since the addiction to pornography and other sexual immorality stems from this.

I kept this struggle secret for many years, until thanks to Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, and others it became a joke and it seemed like everyone dealt with it. So soon enough my friends and I would crack jokes about it. But, there was always something inside of me that wanted to talk about it and get to the heart of the matter. I wasn’t sure if it was right or wrong. The Bible never refers to masturbation in scripture, but it does talk about sexual immorality numerous times. One of my favorite verses that deals with sexual immorality is found in Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” The problem I kept finding with masturbation was that my urges began with immoral thoughts. Looking at a beautiful woman on television or simply seeing someone walking down the street.

I remember reading an article from Dr Dobson when I was in college. The article said that if you can refrain from thinking any immoral thoughts and not be looking at anything immoral then your masturbation can be a natural, sinless act. The question I pose with this is; are you playing with fire, so to speak, when you masturbate?? The problem I was having was that it started becoming habitual, I almost did it everyday and before I knew it my eyes and heart were craving with lust. I couldn’t help it. To make matter worse I had recently purchased my very first computer and all of the sudden pornography was in my sights. I had never struggled with it before, but now that it was at my finger tips, I couldn’t help myself. There were times I would be lying in bed at night, trying to fall asleep, but my mind could not stop thinking about the computer. I wrestled and wrestled with myself until I finally gave in. In 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, Paul writes “that you should avoid sexual immorality, that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable.” Speaking from my own experience, I had definitely lost control of my own body and I knew that I was not honoring God.

I began to discuss this problem I was having with one of my good friends in my Bible study and sure enough he was having the same problems I was having. How could we stop this? Could we hold each other accountable and see if that would be enough? We decided to make a bet. We figured if money and pride was involved, we might just be able to tackle this beast. So, we made a bet that whoever masturbated first owed the other a steak dinner. Now, I’m not gonna lie, most steak dinners can average around $40-$50 a person when drinks and appetizers are involved. So, I knew I was not going to lose this bet. At first it was really hard to refrain from slipping but after a while it got easier. I started to refrain from watching any kind of movies that had sexual explicit material and a friend of mine downloaded www.cleansurf.com on my computer. Cleansurf is a download that you can buy that does not allow you access to any links that have sexual material in them. All of the sudden my temptations were taken away from me and this made the desire to masturbate become almost non-existent. I remember thinking that there was no way I was going to lose this bet. About 2 and a half months had gone by and I began dating someone. I knew I was in trouble now. We would have random make out sessions, nothing serious happened, but my mind and hormones began to get the better of me. One night after my girlfriend had gone home, after a long make out session, it happened. I was so angry with myself but there was nothing I could do. What was done was done and I had lost the bet. So I began to wonder whether or not I should even be making out with my girlfriend. My pastor once said that there is nothing you should be doing with your girlfriend that you cannot finish. So if that means I’m getting sexually stimulated from making out with my girlfriend, maybe that means I need to refrain from that till I can learn to control my urges.

Recently I went on a men’s retreat with my church group and we had numerous discussions on this very topic. One of the things that a friend of mine said is that, “to live your life as a Christian, we are called to die to ourselves and become like Christ. The problem with masturbation, even when you are not focusing on anything immoral, is the fact that you are pleasing yourself. You are taking the focus off of God and focusing on serving yourself.” Those words he said really stayed with me and I have been trying to focus on God and not myself by taking it day by day.

A verse that helps me a lot is
1 John 2:16, “For everything in the world-the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”

All I can do is try to live according to the spirit of God that lives in me and not by the ways of this world that are fleeting. That is what gives me peace to stay strong and not give into the flesh. The very Spirit that lives within me is the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead. I know now that I can do anything, refrain from any temptation by the power of the Holy Spirit.

So what does this mean? What do we do now? What can we change? What role does the church have in this area? My belief is that we as a body of Christ desperately need to be more open and honest with each other. We need to reach out to those in our community who are struggling and let them know that they are not alone. The only way that we can beat this is by coming together. We cannot face these battles on our own. Facing them alone will eventually lead to destruction. We must look to each other for prayer, for guidance, and seek the strength of Christ to overcome these obstacles. So, let’s do each other a favor and be open and honest about what it is we are dealing with. Because, no one should go through this alone.

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