Recently, I sat back and thought about some of the girls that I have dated in the past. As I talked to Derek, my college roommate and one of the best friends I have ever had, we discussed various aspects of our college career, my dating life being one of them. It is ironic how a simple conversation can lead you to a point of reflection that can actually change the way you act. This conversation did just that to me.

After we finished talking, I hung up the phone and thought about some of the girls that we had discussed. Some of them were pretty good girls while others were a little more difficult to deal with. As I reflected on them, a profound thought entered my mind; “When they look back at me, what do they see; what do they remember about me?” I think some of them would say that I was a nice guy who treated them well, while others would probably say that I was one of the biggest jerks that they could remember. The thoughts of how wrong I treated some of them was haunting to me, not simply because I wish they still liked me or anything like that, but from the standpoint that I am at a place in life now when I want to leave a positive impact on the people that I am surrounded by.

With all of that being said, here is a list of things to remember to be sure that you leave a good, lasting impact on those you date. These things will assure you the peace of mind that they will look back and remember you as being a good guy.

1 – Respect – Aretha Franklin sang about it and everyone seems to talk about it, so we should assume that it is important. Respect for other’s is a foreign concept in our world today, yet it is that very reason that people look back negatively on the people from their past. Here is one of the ways that guarantees she will know that you respect her; wait until you are married to make love to her. It is the most compromised part of dating today, yet if we wait, she will see that she meant something to us because we put our convictions and her life above our wants. Respect her through the eyes of God and years down the road, even if the two of you do not end up together, she will look back and see you as a good guy.

2 – Thoughtfulness – Be giving in your relationship. Another way that we ruin our relationships is that we become self-absorbed with what we want to do. Will she remember the fact that you were always with the boys or that you turned down the chance to watch the big game so you could take her to the movies? So often, we think that the other person should be giving and in truth they should too, however we have to make sure that we are giving people as well. Will she remember that sports was the topic of all your conversations and took up the majority of your free time or will she be able to say that you dropped by one day at her work and took her out to lunch unexpectedly? These are things to think about.

3 – Think before you speak – This is my great disease. I say some stupid things and before I even realize it, it has come out of my mouth and I have a lot of apologizing to do. I read James and it tells me that the tongue is what gets us into trouble a lot of times and that it is full of poison. James writes about the tongue, “it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.” (James 3:8b) Knowing this, we have to think about what we say before we say it. In our relationships, we have to realize that the words that we speak will be remembered long after they are spoken. Think about what you say before you say it to her and make sure that it will not hurt her. In the midst of a discussion or an argument, be sure that your mind is focused and your tongue is slow.

4 – Compliment rather than complain – Isn’t it easy to complain about things? Unless your life is perfect, you will have to admit that there is always something that we can complain about. Too often, we start living a life of complaining and we don’t even realize what we are doing. Do you point out what you don’t like about her or her family all of the time or do you spend most of the time telling her the things about her that make you love her? If you complain all of the time, that is what she will remember about you. If you compliment her, she will look back and find comfort in your words and remember that you saw good things about her and pointed them out to her.

5 – Reflect Jesus – For every other subject, just remember that a reflection of Jesus is a reflection that doesn’t fade. If she sees the Lord in you, you will always have an effect on her life even after you have parted. I can honestly say that most of the girls that I have dated have not seen this reflection but I now strive to reflect Jesus as much as possible. Are you leading her closer to the Lord in your relationship or further away? All relationships are meant to lead each other closer to God, though we never really view them as being such. The only good lasting impact that we can have on another individual is to show them Jesus and the love of Jesus everyday. Then, our lives are reflecting our faith.

Today, we should begin treating the woman in our life in a way that will show her we cared for her years from now. When she looks back at our time with her, she should be able to smile and say that she was definitely cared for by us. As I said earlier, I never thought about it until a simple conversation with a friend of mine took place. Now that I have, I realize where I fell short and understand the numerous apologies that I have to make if I ever see them again. I have to say that I am sorry to Kelly, Kerri, Jennifer S., Tina, Jennifer D., Laura, and the list goes on and on. From here forward, we need to live so that the tomorrow’s past reflects the love that we feel today.

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