"Red and yellow, black and white, all are precious in my sight"
We are all God's children, so why don't we take a second to get to know our fellow children in this mess called life?

I used to only be willing to date girls that were 5'1-5'6, they needed to be lean, preferably a size 4ish, or maybe smaller. They had to be stunning.

Why would I only date model-looking girls? Because I would feel validated if I had an EXTRA hot girlfriend. I would feel more attractive if I had a woman on my arm that other men were lusting for. Having a woman like that made me feel valuable. What a crock that was. All I got from that was a bunch of women who were fun to look at, but were so self-absorbed, crazy and unpleasant that they made me wish that I never met them.
I have since learned to value people for who and what they are instead of the package that they came in. My buddy Steve (I have seven friends named Steve) once said to me, "They all become little shriveled-up men in the long run, anyway." Truer words were never uttered. A very wise man once said it another way… "Beauty is fleeting."
As a pastor, I find is interesting to deal with the elderly ladies in the congregation. Even as, at heart, I am still 22 years old and the president of my fraternity, they at heart are still the 21-year-old hotties that I chased. What happened? I got to be 42 and chubby. They got to be 82 and look like little old men; but at heart, they don't understand why everyone doesn't cater to them any longer. Then there are the good old gals who were in their younger years perhaps of more average looks. They have character, they are lovely ladies and they are a delight to be around. And guess what? They look pretty much the same as the ones who were hotties!

Red and yellow, black and white, it's just dating. Just because you go out on a date or even a few dates with a girl, it doesn't mean that you have to have an exclusive relationship with them. You may well be surprised that you will develop an attraction for a girl that you didn't imagine that you would. Perhaps she will be a little more curvy or less curvy than you imagined. Perhaps she will be of another culture or even denomination than you, and perhaps you will really find her wonderful.

Be open to others. Get out of your ideals and get into reality. IT IS JUST A DATE, remember this. Just because you go out with someone, it doesn't mean that you owe them anything but to be pleasant and hopefully charming.

I have gone out and dated women from many cultures and denominations, and each one has had wonderful things to teach me and so much beauty in her own way. I have dated all shapes and sizes, from the 6' tall Slavic girlfriend I had in college, to the 4'9 Chinese girl I dated in 2006. Brazilian, Filipina, Australian / Chinese, Indonesian, Jamaican, Virgin Islander, Swedish, German, Italian, Japanese and so on, I have dated and adored something about all of them. Go and do likewise.

Find something of value and celebrate it in as many women as is humanly possible. Date to have fun and to bring fun to others.

Many coaches out there will say that it is a "Numbers Game." I agree.
Marriage is a life long commitment and should be something that we investigate deeply before we jump in.

I would not buy the first car I sat in without going out and test driving several others (please understand that as a non-sexual metaphore). In the same way, I would not encourage guys to marry the first woman that they ever dated. Oh, I know it happens and for some guys it works really well, but for the vast majority, it ends badly.

The pool is huge out there, we already discussed how big that pool is in a previous article, get out there and swim for a while. Test the waters in the shallow end as well as the deep end, explore and when the right one comes along, it will be the one that you selected instead of the one that you "could get."

C.J. Donofrio is the pastor of Mount Olive Lutheran Church in Pasadena CA, is the Master Lifestyle / Social coach for ChristianSocialArts.com and is the author of "ATTRACTION - The Christian Man's Dating Guide" which was recently released in the Summer of 2007.

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