It seems to me that Jesus and the Apostles rather enjoyed their nick names. They weren’t the sort of nick names that my buddies and I give each other, but they are actually cool names. Nothing like Stinky or Booger, but rather names like Rock, Sons of Thunder, and in this case, Son of Encouragement.

In Acts, Chapter 4, we learn a little something extra cool about a guy named Joseph, as the Apostles called him “Son of Encouragement" or “Barnabas" When interacting with others, especially ladies, being a “Barnabas" is very desirable. This is the best way to win friends and influence people, to be encouraging or as I like to say, being approval and value giving.

When we see others and assume the best of them at all times, we give them approval and we pass our high personal value on to them.

In the “Heidelberg Catechism", my Calvinist friends confess:

“What is required in the ninth commandment?

Answer: That I bear false witness against no man, …that I be no backbiter, nor slanderer; that I do not judge, nor join in condemning any man rashly, or unheard… also that I defend and promote, as much as I am able, the honor and good character of my neighbor."

Likewise, Martin Luther wrote of the Eighth Commandment (different numbering system) in his “Small Catechism":

“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."

Question: What does this mean?

Answer: We must fear and love God, so that we will not deceive by lying, betraying, slandering or ruining our neighbor's reputation, but will defend him, say good things about him, and see the best side of everything he does.

The Roman Catholic Catechism reflects the same thing.

All of these church bodies agree that this commandment simply means, in short, don’t lie and always assume the best of others as much as is humanly possible. Better advice was never given.

When you first meet a lady, assume the best of her, assume that she is nice, assume that she is smart, assume that she is an expert about something and find out what it is.

Do not celebrate her good looks, every other slobbering fool with a healthy sex drive does that. Big deal, she won a genetic lottery, but who is she? What is she about? Remember beauty fades, but who is she?

Positive assumptions of others are so powerful.

If you are at a bookstore and you see a girl looking at an art book, ask her about her art. Assume that she is an artist.

If she is looking at a travel book, ask her about her travels. Assume that she is a world traveler.

If she is looking at a cook book, ask her what her favorite thing to cook is and how to make it. Assume she is a Chef.

Assume that she knows the subject. If she doesn’t know about it, share what little you may know or tell her that it is a curiosity to you and she looked like someone who would know about it and that its cool that she is also interested in it.

How encouraging is that? I perceive that you are a valuable, smart and attractive person and not just sexy looking.

St. Paul wins over his audience at the Areopagus as he says… “Men of Athens, I perceive that in every way you are very religious" OR, “I have to congratulate your being devout in your beliefs, then he sets them straight on the one true God and many wanted to know more. I look at people who would blow themselves up for “Allah" and I have to confess, I wish that my faith in Christ was as sincere, not that Jesus asks us to blow ourselves up, but, well, you know what I mean.

When we are encouraging and not demeaning, people desire to hear us all the more. You are talking about them and when you talk about them, they love it and are charmed. Most of us would rather talk about ourselves than any other topic, this is a result of the fall, we became turned inward, but it is certainly not a sin to lift people up.

The most charming and wonderful conversationlists say very little about themselves, but rather get others to speak of themselves. When you learn to do this, you find little nuggets of value in the other person and celebrate them as being fascinating. In this, you have lifted them to a place of being valued. You in turn are the value giving person that everyone loves to be near.

Practice this on your family and friends, on people at your church and especially on ladies. Do not be flattering or insincere, simply find and celebrate something of value about everyone you meet, be a Son of Encouragement.

You will find that when you have mastered this, your social life will flourish with new friends, renewed friends and opportunities to date more than ever before.

Steps

1) Assume that ALL the new people that you meet are nice, cool and that you like them, even if you don’t know them yet.
2) Assume that everyone is an expert at something, let the context and environment determine what it is.
a. Ask what they love to do and assume they are an expert on that (their work or hobbies)
3) Celebrate the cool things that others bring to the interaction and let them know that you are interested in them as people.

This is also a wonderful way to establish friendships with others so that you can share the Hope of Christ that is within us and perhaps bring them to church.

Yes, Christians can be normal, nice and even charming people.

________________________________________________________________

C.J. Donofrio is the pastor of Mount Olive Lutheran Church in Pasadena CA, is the Master Lifestyle / Social coach for ChristianSocialArts.com and is the author of “ATTRACTION -- the Way of the Social Christian Man", which is to be released in the Summer of 2007. He is also to be married this Summer to “The One".

Send This To A Friend