"'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.'"

The compliment above is taken from Proverbs 31:29 in the New International Version. Let me ask the following questions for the use of mental fodder:

Do wives hear this compliment from their husbands? Do you hear other husbands saying this about their wives? Do you have a tough time saying the words but attempt to live out the encouragement instead? Are you feeling guilty as you read these questions that you are taking your wife for granted? When is the last time you complimented her in this way with word AND in action?

I have only been married less then 10 months. Ok, ok, I do admit, I am a romantic and yes I KNOW the exact duration or our marriage--9 months and 10 days--but who is counting, right? I am.

That's the key. Every...day...counts.

When my wife and I got married last July we had been dating for 14 months. After all, love takes time, and for some, 14 months is not long enough. Yet, by the time July 15, 2006 rolled around, we knew we were ready. God had the date selected and we were going to be joyfully obedient and radiantly expectant.

The wedding day came.

There were pictures. There were tuxedos. There were dresses. There were caterers. There were musicians. There were friends. There was family. There was food. There was dancing.

There was my beautiful, amazing, sweet, funny, precious, intelligent, sweet, caring, lovable, sexy, capable, creative, romantic, enchanting bride joined to my soul by the Head of our lives, Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God!

The wedding day was one for the record books. We are still recalling how perfect, in God's eyes, the day was and how we both could never have imagined our lives being any different.

The key is this, gentlemen. On May 2, 2005, I met my bride-to-be on the bleachers of a high school softball game, watching her sister play ball and hearing her cute, southern-accented voice scream words of support and encouragement to her sibling in right field. We met. We talked. We kept talking. I looked at her finger. No ring. Sweet. I talked some more. We stopped watching the game and listened to each other intently. I walked away from that game wondering just why God had put someone in my path while I was there to encourage some youth at a softball game? It was too good to be coincidence (which by the way is GOD-incidence!).

I met her at a church softball game later that night. We swing danced in the parking lot. I would find ways to meet her at her house and spend time with her family. I wrote poetry. I sent small gifts that only she would understand. I danced with her to no music out in her driveway just as sweetly and slowly as we could. I called her...often. I emailed her...almost daily. I prayed for our friendship. Dates turned into romantic blessings as I remember our first kiss at the end of June 2005. I told her I loved her. I committed myself to her on Christmas Eve, 2005, proposing to her on the same football field where she won Homecoming Princess as a little 8-year-old. God held up the rain and she laughed and cried as I walked her around her balloons, her flowers, her arch...her domain. That night she became my Lifetime Homecoming Princess.

Engagement meant more creative dates, sending flowers because she deserved them (is there REALLY such as a thing as "flowers for no reason" when you love your wife?), leaving notes and cards on her doorstep, and surprising her at just the right moments.

Since we have been married, I STILL enjoy doing these things. I must be honest, however, and say that marriage has also been the toughest thing I have ever had to do. There have been moments when both of us feel threatened by Satan's attack on our relationship. But dating my wife has been and continues to be the greatest earthly blessing God has bestowed on my life. Marriage is completely about commitment, honesty, loyalty, and transparent friendship. My wife demonstrates more and more of God's love through her smile, her concern for others, and her heart for God and his present-tense call on her life.

"'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all'".

Imagine a world where husbands tell their wives that just once a week. Ideally we should tell our wives this EVERY DAY! Yet, our wives know that words are just words if not supported by our actions. "Faith without works is dead" says James. The same goes for the way we treat our wives.

Think about it this way.

Your wife comes home from work or travel and immediately vents about how inadequate she feels as an employee (despite the fact that you were just sitting down to a sub sandwich, a soda, and SportsCenter). She mentions how horrible she feels about not being the best wife or mother and how she never has time for the things that make her happy. She feels rundown, tired, weary, and self-conscious. You mute the TV (are you kidding? Turn OFF SportsCenter? HA!)and step in to play "Mr. Fix It." "Honey, what if you tried this? Maybe if you didn't do so much you would have more time for yourself."

Wrong move, hubbies.

Part of dating your wife means that you sacrifice the role of "Mr. Fix It" at that point and just listen (I have learned this the hard way and am still learning...life long process!). Hold her. She values your touch. You are her protector. Say words like, "I'm so sorry. I am right here." Run your hands through her hair. Stay with her. She will thank you, believe me.

And later, when she feels loved by you (that's right, she is feeling your LOVE!...even when you think you haven't "fixed" anything, you have done the best thing by loving her RIGHT WHERE SHE IS!), suggest taking her out to her favorite restaurant. Or, later that week, go by the store where she loves to shop and pick her out a little something and leave it in her car to find the next morning. Write a post-it note of encouragement and put it on the door when she leaves the next day. Plan a weekend to get away together to just focus on the two of you. Learn to love the ONENESS of your relationship and take time to let go of your control and serve your wife as Christ serves the church.

Wow. I know that might seem completely contrary to everything male inside you, but I believe that there is EVERYTHING male about loving your wife according to her love language. If you don't know it, ask her! Don't be afraid to mess up around her, be yourself! She married you, not your perfections or her PREconceptions about you!

Dating your wife means that you continue to treat her like a princess, each and every day, in good times and in bad, with kids or without kids, in debt and in profit, in sickness and in health. Celebrate the small moments. Say "I'm sorry" often. Learn to let go. And like Paul tell us in 1 Cor 13, "Love never keeps a record of wrongs." Definitely listen to Paul...he knew what he was talking about!

Dating your wife means much more than going to dinner and a movie. This is not about a transaction, this is about a transformation. Each day try and ask the Lord to mold your marriage more and more into the image of God's love in Christ. Seek to serve your wife and submit to Christ. She will submit (not servile indifference, but to follow a Godly leader) to you as long as you determine to submit to Christ. She is looking for the Jesus in you. After all, it's JESUS she wants to date. Don't get me wrong, she thinks your cute and sweet and stuff:), she just loves being with you because you point her to the Lover of her soul, God's Son.

9/11 and the Virginia Tech Massacre have taught us that life is precious and it is brief. While you still have today, SAY AND LIVE OUT Proverbs 31:29. Make it a life verse for you so that you can breathe its meaning into your marriage. And don't forget the power of positive words: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Eph. 4:29). Your encouraging words will have an effect not only on your marriage, but on the marriages around you. Think about that while you date your wife...it should make you smile:).

Say it aloud to yourself: "'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all'".

Now pray about a time to share it with your best friend on earth, your beautiful, one-of-a-kind wife.

I can guarantee, after her mouth hits the floor, she will be watching you to see if you really mean what you say. Fellas, step up as her man, and LIVE OUT Proverbs 31:29. Let her know beyond the shadow of a doubt that she surpasses all the women on the earth, past and present. Kiss her when she leasts expects it; in fact, interrupt her with a kiss. Then say Proverbs 31:29.

Jesus dates us, doesn't he? He pursues us and woos us and loves us so very, VERY much. Just because we accept him as Savior doesn't mean he is done romancing us. He comes after us, just like the Father came after his prodigal son.

Don't stop dating your wife. You are her prince, so act like it. She is your princess. You would traverse mighty rivers and dangerous terrain just to have her hand. So take care of the hand that you hold. She is a precious gift on loan to you from God.

And lastly, I am learning right along with you guys. I am by no means perfect at this. But marriage gives me a lifetime to practice with a woman who doesn't care if I mess up. My wife loves me, imperfections and all. No other woman in the world can do that but her. And I am so very blessed that God has sent her to me to help me minister to people who are looking for the Lord's purpose in their lives.

Date your wife. Every day, date your wife. Recall the memories, make new ones, show her you care. After all, many women do noble things...but your wife...YOUR wife...surpasses them all in your eyes...

Am I right?

God bless your future dates with your wife:).

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