Santa is packing his bags, ready to take flight around the world delivering gifts to those who have been nice and a lump of coal to those who have been naughty this year. In the spirit of Christmas, it is imperative that we take a serious look at sports and help Santa to check his list. It is our job…a duty we simply cannot ignore.
2006 was a year of memorable and hopefully forgettable occurrences in the world of sports. From the thrilling victory of the Carolina Hurricanes (sorry, I am a native North Carolinian) to the return of the Steelers to the pinnacle of football, we have had breath-taking moments and things that hopefully, after I finish this column, we will forget forever, i.e. the doping scandal at the Tour de France. In the midst of these moments, we have had some people rise up and show how they truly deserve to be on the nice list, while we have had others who left no doubt as to which list their name would be found on. I have chosen five for each list, all debatable, yet my reasoning will be listed beside of each one.

Nice

1 â€" Every country that beat the USA in the World Baseball Classic
Thank you for showing our baseball players that they truly aren’t the best in the world. Maybe now they will learn how to bunt and how to play the field, in hopes to one day rule the world again. Long gone are the days of pure baseball in the United States, as it now consists of players who can hit the ball six miles after shooting up six pounds of steroids and pitchers with an ERA higher than a Harvard graduate’s GPA. Santa will give you the dreams that you have longed for…a contract to play professional baseball in the Major Leagues. By the way, there is a good possibility that your fielding skills will go to the toilet following this Christmas.

2 â€" Dwyane Wade
D-Wade took over in the NBA playoffs and led the Miami Heat to the top of the NBA world. He won the MVP trophy and immediately became a media darling, in the blink of an eye. Santa will bring you more skills and more air time as you rightly used the time that you were given. Thank you to Dwyane for speaking of his faith in his shoe commercial…there still are true men of faith who won’t sell out for the almighty dollar.

3 â€" George Mason Basketball
Your run in the NCAA Tournament was absolutely magical and reminded us all of why we watch sports in the first place. You made us all believe that, even though we may be small, we can still do big things. To be quite honest, I didn’t even know where the school was located before the tournament, but you gave me a lesson in geography and in hope. Santa will bring you a special gift this year â€" another berth and another run deep in the tournament.

4 â€" Andre Agassi
A special thanks to you for not staying in the game too long and tarnishing your legacy. For years, you were my hero as I modeled my tennis game, wardrobe, my rackets, and my hairstyle after you (with the exception of the shaved head look). Thank you for the run at the US Open, though we all wish that it could’ve lasted longer. Santa will bring you a special gift as well â€" a happy life as the father of a future tennis champion. (Like his kids have a choice or something!)

5 â€" College Football coaches and voters
Thank you for not giving us a rematch in the BCS championship game. Though all of our readers in Michigan will now long to kill me, I have to admit that the rematch would have never lived up to the hype that it would have gotten. In fairness, someone else should get a shot. To all of you, Santa will bring a very special gift â€" a brain, so that all of you will put pressure on the NCAA to have a playoff.

Naughty

1 â€" David Stern â€"
As if the fundamentals were not bad enough in the NBA, you go and change the ball to make the shooting percentage worse. You must be a rocket scientist with ideas like that. Furthermore, you wouldn’t listen for two months as the players told you they did not like the ball and were struggling to play with it. You have a job because of the players, therefore wisdom would say that you might should listen to them. A lump of coal in the shape and feel of your new basketball is what you will receive.

2 â€" Michael Vick
One of the poster boys of the NFL since your arrival in Atlanta, you have graced the cover of dozens of magazines and starred in many commercials. Your “dirty bird� salute to the home crowd when they were upset with your mistakes showed bad judgment on your part. You are a role model and the last thing we need is pee-wee players saluting their opponents or even their home fans with the middle finger. You did apologize, but this will take time to heal. Santa will bring you a lump of coal in the shape of a couch as that is where you will be when the Super Bowl rolls around…again.

3 â€" The judge who sentenced Lance Williams and Mark Fainara-Wada to prison time
I will not mention the judge’s name out of fear that I might receive a prison sentence as well for Christmas for using my freedom of speech. These guys did nothing wrong by not identifying their sources, but you decided to show the world where our judicial is headed in the future. You should be chasing the users and the suppliers of steroids, not those who report it. You are part of the federal government, therefore you “should� be able to do your own investigating. You have sought to take our pens and our words away from us. Christians be warned…he has also showed what will be the fate of the freedom of religion. Santa will bring you a lump of coal etched with the bill of rights…I am sure that you will burn it anyways.

4 â€" Albert Haynesworth
Your stomp heard round the world was deplorable. Whether you are mad or whatever the reason is, you could have killed a man with your cleats. All is not forgiven just because you admit that you have an anger problem as we all have to wonder if it will happen again and who will be the victim. People have been known to make me mad too, but if I go around stomping on their heads, I would have to face much stiffer consequences. Santa will bring you a lump of coal that spells the word “reputation�. You now have one and you may stomp on it all you like.

5 â€" The University of Alabama Football
You fired Mike Shula because he broke even, one year after you had crowned him the next Bear Bryant. Funny how quickly you change your minds. I love Alabama football, but the trigger is too quick. Also, you fired him before the holidays, which is an extra bad mark. You cannot believe that you will win every single game, every year. No one is in the National Championship game every single year and Shula had brought you out of the mud. Santa will bring you multiple lumps of coal, all shaped like the coaches who will never even listen to you about your job opening, including Spurrier, Saban, and any coach who wants tenure.

That concludes the list for this year. Happy holidays to all and it is my hope that those on the naughty list redeem themselves this year, so the ugly incidents are behind us in sports. Hopefully, next year I can only do a nice list that only points out the good things in sports. Merry Christmas sports fans.

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