History Speaks
When looking for a spouse, I believe one of the biggest questions to ask is :: Where are her standards and expectations, and is she easy to please? One thing my mom said about my father years ago has burned an important lesson in my head. She said “Jason, listen to this closely, I would be the happiest women in the world to live side by side your father in the streets under a cardboard box if I had too, everything else in life is just frosting�. Looking back at that statement I see how profound it was and yet so simple. How great of a feeling it must have been for my father, to know that if he just gave all the love he could to my mom, she would be satisfied and joyful. Wouldn’t that make you feel invincible? Your wife is so much behind you and happy with just you, that no matter what obstacles life brings, no matter what money problems or legal problems or health problems there were, she was by your side.

My father was a very blessed man, both with his job and his family but it wasn’t always that way. Their first home was an old army barracks, made out of tin on the outside. They would often tell stories of that place and how their next door neighbor would play the piano and it would sound like he was in the room with them. It wouldn’t seem like a wonderful beginning to marriage, but my mom would say how happy she was just to put flower pots outside and call it their home.

Experience
I know this seems like such an obvious trait to look for in a woman, but I made the mistake of thinking that most Christian women must be like this. In my first two relationships in college, I learned the hard way. Now, I will not get too down on these girls, they were a little immature at the time and they had a lot of good traits but they were not easy to please. One Christmas, I knew my girlfriend of 1 year wanted a Kate Spade purse really bad, and also wanted a specific watch, that was out of my price range as a young college athlete without a job. Since, gift-giving is one of my love languages; I scratched up the money and used my creative shopping techniques to find a Kate Spade purse on a clearance rack that would fit in my price range. I about died paying $250 for a purse, but knew she would be ecstatic. The big day came and she unwrapped the present slowly. Of course I was excited, thinking there is no way she expects this purse. As she un-wrapped it, she smiled, got excited and then looked deeper in the bag. The smiles turned to slight disappointment, as she said, “the watch isn’t in here�? Playing it off half jokingly…At that point, we died. She killed my spirit. I ended up not trying anymore, which put us into a bad cycle and later ended our relationship.

If they Only Knew
If women only knew the truth about their knights in shining armor. The fact is, we want to please. We don’t only want to please but we want to go above and beyond pleasing. We seek to surprise the ones we love. I believe the easier a woman is to please, the more a man will do to please her and that is a cycle that pours out love and respect. The more a man comes up short, the more he begins to not care. But as he satisfies the one he loves, the harder he will work and the more thoughtful he will get to bless his girl.

To Ponder
The question to ask yourself in your own relationship or relationship in the future is :: Does she believe that I am her ideal man right here right now? Unchanged? Pleasing doesn’t just have to do with gifts, money and lifestyle but also how you love her, care for her emotions, and spiritually partner with her.

Do you continuously exceed her expectations? Or does she have an ideal out there, lingering, wanting you to become something that you are not? This one question will have a huge impact on your marriage. My wife of two years does an amazing job of this. She is delighted with the small things in life. She appreciates the little things, whether it’s picking up her favorite fashion magazine at the convenience store or tucking her in with a foot rub. This makes me want to jump on my white horse and give her the world. Do you see it? I will do the whole 80’s monster ballad thing…walk 5000 miles, swim through oceans and climb mountains to please her. Because…she doesn’t expect it.

If you don’t find a girl like this, the opposite is true. You will find yourself irritated by her after two years, feeling like you can’t do anything right. Instead of trying harder to satisfy her, you will quit all together and give up, doing just what you need to get by. To do just enough so that she won’t nag on you. Your gifts will not be from the heart and you would rather just sit there watching the game than try to please her and fail. This will begin a terrible cycle of which she feels unloved, you feel trapped and hopeless which both lead to divorce or adultery.

So take it from me…don’t ever say you weren’t told. Find that girl, the one that you surprise, and the one that thinks you are the man, right now, with no changes. If you do, you will be the joyful, hard working, creative husband that God created you to be. God bless your search.

Send This To A Friend