Deciding whether or not to wait for sex is one of those things you can’t have both ways. It’s either all or nothing. This is why we rely so heavily on what others say on the subject. It’s why I’m writing this piece, why Dr. Phil is famous and why there are articles in Playboy. Everyone wants to know: Am I normal? Can I improve? What’s best? How? When? Why?

I met my wife while we were training to become teachers overseas. She wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. I was, in fact, looking for a girlfriend, but I thought my prospects were going to be pretty low, given I was leaving the country soon. That didn’t stop us from having an awkward first meeting, however.

Her: “Hi! You’re Nathan! (we were wearing nametags at the time) So nice to meet you!�

Me: “…�

Weeks later, I clumsily let her know what I was feeling and a long year of emailing and short visits (she was in Kyrgyzstan, I was in Uzbekistan) ensued. That summer, upon returning to the US we visited each other’s families and promptly left the country again. This time we were together, teaching in the same country, city and school. Within six months we were engaged, and within another six, married.

At no time did we have sex. We kissed a lot. We held hands. We hugged. We did what couples do to express affection to each other. More importantly, we talked. That foundation of communication let us define our boundaries when sexy situations came up instead of testing what we could get away with. And it’s not that we didn’t want to have sexâ€"we did, believe me, we did.

We were sexual people before we met. We were sexual people while we were dating. We were also going to continue to be sexual beings as long as we were alive (unless the unthinkable happened), so we needed to accept the fact before our relationship could be healthy. Sexuality isn’t something you turn on once you’re marriedâ€"forbidden, then go nuts? We knew that was nonsense, but it didn’t answer the question of what to do with our sexuality in the mean time.

It came down to whom we trusted. Did we trust ourselves more than Scripture? Did we trust People Magazine more than God? At no time would I have answered, “Yes reader, I trust Playboy’s annual campus survey more than Jesus, Lord of all.� That’s because words mean next to nothing when it comes to what we believe. Our actions tend to tell the real story.

You can take my word for it. Waiting for sex was worth it. Following God’s plan worked out well for us. But I don’t know any other way. We were both virgins and now we’re not. There’s no way for me to tell you waiting is better than not waiting because I don’t know. I do trust that God’s plan is a good one, however. Do you?

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