Love Her As Christ Loves The Church
Part 2: Give Yourself Away
By: Andy Clapp

In the first part of this series, we examined how to love our wives even in the fights that we have. Another missing part in our relationship with our wives is the aspect of giving up ourselves. We have succumbed to the societal mentality of “me first� and we are watching marriages fall apart all around us.

Notice what Paul wrote to the husbands. “Husbands, love you wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.� One of the greatest demonstrations of Christ’s love was when He gave Himself up for us. Husbands, we are called to do the same for our wives.

Most of the time, when we hear the phrase “give up your life�, it conjures up images of jumping in front of someone (in this instance, our wife) to stop a bullet shot by an insane gunman. The problem is that the phrase has more meaning to it than this act of chivalry that most of us will never face.

Here are some ways that Christ gave of Himself and practical ways that you can apply this teaching to your marriage.

1 â€" Jesus gave of His time â€" Jesus always gave time to those in need. When the disciples tried to keep the children away from Jesus, Christ insisted that the children be allowed to come to Him. Jesus always had time for the people, i.e. His church. He could have spent His time relaxing or doing whatever He wished, but instead He gave of Himself through His time. You, too, have to give of your time to your wife. Turn off the ball game and listen when she needs to talk rather than making her wait until it is convenient for you. Instead of spending every Saturday or Sunday on the golf course, do something with your wife. Watch the kids and let her go shopping from time to time and even take a night away from hanging out with the guys to take your bride to a movie. By giving of your time, you show her that she is more important than anyone or anything else.

2 â€" Jesus sacrificed for the good of others â€" He gave His life away for the church, the ultimate. He gave no thought to what would be convenient but looked to what was beneficial to the church. As men, we can be stubborn at times, many times to the detriment of the family. Many times, it is personal goals that we are pursuing that cause a strain on the family and in those times, we have to realize that the personal goals are not that important if the price tag is a broken home. For instance, taking a promotion at work will allow us to buy the boat we always wanted or to drive that sports car that we always dreamed of having, but the time away from the family will kill the relationship. Pride can also be a factor as you may be tempted to do something for the status rather than looking at what effect it has on your wife. You have to sacrifice things for your wife, including your pride and some of your personal goals.

3 â€" Jesus completely submitted to the will of God â€" The third way that Jesus gave Himself up for His church was to completely and totally submit to the will of God. Remember the Garden Prayer? “Not My will, but Your will be done.â€? Jesus stood as the example even though there were times that He could have compromised. To give up yourself for your wife as Christ gave up Himself for His church, we have to give up our will for our lives in order to be the example for our wife and family. You give up yourself by putting the Lord first, high and exalted above all else. True wisdom comes in realizing that you cannot possibly have all the answers and in that realization, turn to the One with the answers. In that submission to the will of God, you will show your wife true love as you start to see her through the Lord’s eyes.

Honestly look at yourself and see who you are. Are you fulfilling this teaching of Paul in your life or are you failing miserably? If you are failing, pray about it and take small steps towards becoming the husband of integrity. If you are already on the path, continue each day to seek God’s will for you as a husband. Understand that we do not simply morph into the perfect husband when we say “I do� and that we constantly need to work on it and prepare for marriage so that we don’t continue to make the same mistakes that have already been made.

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