“To Love As Christ Loves His Church�
An examination of Paul’s instruction

By: Andy Clapp

Part 1: When Problems set in…

As men, we are called to love the women in our life the way that Christ loves His church. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.� Though the church sometimes does things that Christ is not pleased with, Christ still loves the church. In our relationships, the same theory should hold true as well.

Most people only associate this verse with marriage, but it should be applied in dating as well. In that dating relationship, we are looking at that woman as a possible companion, so we should begin by treating her properly. The problem that we have is that we do not understand the complexity of this verse and often treat it as a “yeah, yeah, love my wife, yada, yada, yada� lesson. Thus, our relationships are weak and fall apart easily. If the love of Christ was not so strong for the church, we would be in severe trouble, especially seeing the nature of the church today.

No matter what, life is going to have its’ share of troubles. Relationships are no different, whether it is dating or in marriage. There are all kinds of troubles, from financial troubles to personality differences, and they will come to the surface in your relationships. The best thing that we can do is be aware that they will come and that way we can do our best to deal with the situation.

One key component in our relationship to our wives, and girlfriends, is communication. If the church is not in communication with the Lord, the church begins to stray away in its’ commitment and the relationship begins to deteriorate. When we do not have healthy communication with the woman in our lives, that relationship crumbles. Here are the three major problems in the communication area for me. Learn what they are and make sure that you are not compromising your relationship because you are being a “typical� male.

1 â€" We do not express things that bother us until the volcano is about to erupt.
Many times, we believe that we will learn to deal with it, or we just want to avoid a fight. This is deadly. The more that we dwell on those irritating things, the more we grow closer to exploding. Once we get to that point, a million petty things come out, whereas handling them one at a time would have avoided a huge fight and kept you from hurting her feelings. Christ never waits to deal with us until we have committed sin number 1005, but rather, He seeks to address them immediately when we do them. Talk to her and tell her what it is that bothers you. This is also important in the dating world, too. If she isn’t willing to listen to you or to work out a compromise with you while you are dating, run as fast as you can in a different direction. Simply sweeping everything under the carpet only makes it worse when we get to that point that we can’t take it anymore.

2 â€" After an argument, we simply cut all communication lines for an extended period of time.
This, too, is poison to a relationship. When you shut her out all together, you only anger her further and cause more pain for both sides. What is the point in even being around someone that you won’t communicate with? By cutting off communication, you are delaying the healing process that inevitably must take place after each disagreement. We accomplish nothing with our stubbornness and further alienate the one that we say we love. What if Jesus never spoke to the church whenever we make a mistake? What if Jesus said, “Fine, I’ll just ignore you and act as if you don’t exist!�? It would cause all kinds of problems for the church if Jesus just turned and walked away. Don’t shut down or shut her out, but rather, work on a compromise. It is the solution to the initial problem.

3 â€" We fail to reassure her that, even though we are upset, we still love her.
Being upset is a part of life. Things that hurt us, upset us, but that doesn’t give us the right to hurt her. By neglecting love in our anger, we stir up every insecurity in her. Women need to be reassured that we still love and care for her, though the circumstances (problem) have upset us. If we felt like the Lord didn’t love us when we messed up, it would cause us a great deal of stress and loneliness. Communicate to her your love for her while explaining that you are upset.

Men are called to love their wives, and potential wives, as Christ loves the church, yet we fail to see the fullness of Christ’s love for the church. When we do not pay attention to the details and the depth of this love, we completely miss the meaning of Paul’s writing to the Ephesians. In the problems that we encounter in our relationships, love is what must be communicated to assure that we fulfill the call of the Lord for our relationships.

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