If You Don’t Know About Her Money, You Don’t Know Her: 10 Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Washington Post Columnist Michelle Singletary, during a recent interview on PBS’s Diane Rehm Show, told the story of a meeting between a financial counselor and a newlywed couple. As the counselor began to discuss the issue of the bride’s $30,000.00 outstanding credit card debt, the husband went pale. He had no clue.

If, as most marriage counselors agree, the number one source of conflict between married couples is money, why don’t we talk about it more? Yeah, I’ll admit it’s unromantic and even boring at times, but is it rational to make a decision about a potential marriage partner without knowing her ideas about money and having at least a basic understanding of her personal finances?

First of all, as a financial personality type, does she tend to be a saver or a spender? How about you?
If you’re both savers, talk about ways to insure that your dreams and quality of life aren’t suffocated or delayed into oblivion by your synergistic frugality. For, example, if you both love to travel, agree in advance that you’ll set aside a certain amount of travel money annually that you can’t carry over into the next year.

If you’re both spenders, put safeguards in place and consider enlisting the help of a qualified financial mentor to help you stay on task with savings and budget plans. Be patient with yourselves and ready to ease gradually into a shared budget. Christian financial author Ron Blue says it takes three years to realize your budget plan. Year One is spent analyzing your spending and other financial habits. Year Two is a sort of “rough draft� year as you try out what you think might be a good budget plan. You’ll find that there are parts of it that work and parts that don’t. After a little more tweaking, you’re ready to actually live your budget during Year Three. While two spenders may have to plan well to avoid the danger of wrecking their credit rating, the next combination is actually the riskiest for relationships.

If one of you is a saver and the other a spender, it is crucial that you get specific about your goals for charitable giving, home ownership, retirement planning and tithing before you commit to a life together. In fact, one of the most instructive things this (or any) couple can do together before tying the knot is to construct their first will. In the process of making out your will, you’ll discover a lot about what really matters to you and your mate. Knowing where you want to end up is often the best way to know how to begin.

How a woman spends, gives and saves can tell a lot about her self-discipline, wisdom and generosity. So pray about it, talk about it, work it out and put it in writing to insure a partnership as lifetime of living well, joint stewards of God’s gifts.

Here are 10 money questions you should ask together before you say “I do�:

1) Will we tithe our income?
2) What will be our commitment to charitable giving?
3) What is the approximate timetable for buying our first home?
4) Are we committed to debt-free (or mortgage-debt-only) living?
5) What will be our short and long term savings plans?
6) Are we willing to share a joint checking and savings account?
7) What is our long- term plan for building wealth?
8) How will life and health insurance needs be met?
9) How can we improve our stewardship through tax planning?
10) What will be the ceiling for independent purchases? ($100? $200?)

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