Five Things to Do Together Before You Have Kids
Beth Mathison

Joe and Sue are your typical newlyweds. It’s been two years after their memorable wedding, and they’re marching forward on their marriage journey, getting to know each other, trying to decide who will wash the dishes and grocery shop, and attempting to figure out just why he doesn’t pick up his socks or why she talks so much. They both work, and have stashed away enough money to buy a small starter home, complete with white picket fence. The past few months, Joe and Sue have been talking about taking their family unit to the next level: “let’s have a baby�.

Joe and Sue realize that their lives will change after they have a child, but they don’t realize just how much kids will rock their world.

Talk to most couples and they will agree that their lives have been touched forever by the addition of a child, and that they would have it no other way. Children bring blessings, joy, hardship, worry, and many a sleepless night. With this in mind, couples considering adding on to their family might want to consider doing a few things before every facet of their lives will be affected by this little bundle of energy.

Listed below are a few things to do together before you take the leap into parenthood:

1. Get God.
In his article “Prescription for a Successful Marriage�, Dr. James Dobson references a Focus on the Family study showing that “The panel first suggests that newlyweds should establish and maintain a Christ-centered home. Everything rests on that foundation. If a young husband and wife are deeply committed to Jesus Christ, they enjoy enormous advantages over the family with no spiritual dimension.�
Develop habits together that will reinforce your Christianity â€"spend time in the Word and pray with each other every day, develop strong relationships in your church, integrate the art of “serving othersâ€? into your lifestyle (missions, community service, volunteer). With God as the head of your household, your direction as a couple will be clear and straight, even with a little one’s added distractions. If you are firmly entrenched in your faith, you will naturally bring up your child in the comfort of God’s loving hands.

2. Get a good night’s sleep.
Really, get us much rest as you can. Kay, a mother of three and grandmother of two, says that she really never got her normal sleep pattern back after she had kids. Moms sleep disturbances start with pregnancy â€" frantic trips to the bathroom, consistent heartburn, and swift kicks to her internal organs keep her bleary-eyed for the entire nine months. After you bring the baby home, you’re faced with months of piercing cries in the night, demanding your attention. (And you, wondering how can they eat every two hours, isn’t that a bit excessive?) Even if mom’s the one who is up for every two hour feeding, it’s the rare dad who can sleep through those cries. As your child grows, you’ll be woken up with complaints about monsters under the bed, tummy aches, and wet beds. Kids will want to snuggle in your bed, and you’ll get the privilege of getting slapped around in the middle of the night by wriggling feet and hands. Years later, you’ll be waiting for them to get home before curfew, from the dance, and that special date.

3. Travel.
If you want to backpack across Europe, do it now. Take a trip to the Andes, go on a cruise, camp out in a tent for a week, or go on a short term missions trip â€" whatever you dream as a couple. Ask God for guidance on your destinations and financial situation. Bringing children on your vacation adds a whole new dimension to the word “uncertaintyâ€?. No matter what the kid’s ages are, you’ll be dealing with multiple personalities who are tired, hungry, excited out of their minds, banging their heads against the car seat, homesick, carsick, missing their friends, and choruses of “are we there yet?â€? Now, these family vacations can be truly fun, but there very different than just the two of you wanting to do what you want. Enjoy the couple time you have on your pre-kids vacation â€" the candle lit dinners, the moonlight walks on the beach, holding one another’s hands.

4. Save some cash.
Kids are known cash-eaters â€" it’s just a fact of life. If you think finances are challenging now, wait until you’re faced with the cost of diapers. Welcome to the Miracle of Compounding Interest â€" basically the earlier you start saving, the more money you’ll have later on. Let’s say that you save $2,000 for retirement when you’re 20 years old â€" in 45 years at 6% interest, you’ll have a whopping $27,529. If you wait, however, until you’re 40 years old to invest that $2,000, you’re only going to have $8,584 by the time you’re 65. (Try this handy calculator if you’re interested in learning more: http://portal.fxfn.com/fxinclude/dinkytown/CompoundSavings.jsp) Talk to your spouse and take a long, hard look at your finances â€" do you really need a brand new car every two years, or expensive furniture for every room of the house? Before you have kids would be an excellent time to meet with a financial advisor to get your financial ducks all in a row.

5. Love.
God wants a married couple to enjoy each other’s company, in a physical sense. (For the kids in the room â€" that’s spelled s-e-x.) 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 states: “… each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife. So do not deprive each other of sexual relations.â€? Having kids doesn’t mean your sex life is over, but it sure complicates things. You’re both exhausted, the kids have needs, your bodies are getting … well, older. Enjoy the freedom you have as a younger couple without children.

When your family does grow with the addition of one or more children, enjoy the changes they bring to your life. As you enjoy time without the kids, remember that there are huge and wonderful blessings coming your way once they do arrive.

“. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute . . . look at it and really see it . . . and never give it back.� Irma Bombeck

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