Top Ten: Ways to Connect With Your Spouse

"And be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
~Ephesians 4:32~

Do I Even Know You?
Your wedding day most likely stands out as a bright jewel in your memory â€" the loving vows, family and friends gathered by your side, the celebration and honeymoon. You may have thought that after the “I-do’sâ€? had been spoken at your ceremony that marriage would run smoothly forward as the two of you basked in your love for each other.

At some point, reality hits home, and the “honeymoon� phase of your marriage slips away.

As years pass, conflicts inevitably arise and you argue about money, time, real estate, and the children. (Not to mention even more petty issues like socks on the floor, leftovers in the fridge, and empty toilet paper rolls in the bathroom.) If you have kids, their activities and problems also place increasing demands on your time. You look at your spouse and think “just who is this person?�

Don’t loose hope! With some time and attention, you can develop ways to reconnect with your spouse, and even have fun doing it. Marriage deserves our close attention â€" you made a commitment to stand by this person during sickness and in health, in thick or thin. Make connecting with your spouse a priority today â€" don’t put it off until tomorrow, which will never come. Start small, take baby-steps if you need to, but just move forward in your commitment to strengthening your marriage. Making your marriage a priority in your life can take practice, but is essential in creating a strong, healthy bond. The Following are a few things to get you started:

1. Date.
We all have “lifeâ€? pulling at our time â€" jobs, kids, home projects, tasks of every taste and color. You need to set aside time to spend with your spouse, and don’t make excuses to break your date. Commit to date at least once or twice a month to reestablish contact with your significant other. Make your marriage a priority in your lives. A strong marriage takes time to develop, no matter how long you’ve been together.

2. Pray together
You don’t have to set aside a huge chunk of time to pray with one another. Thank God for your meals, and have a goal to pray together at least once a day. Find a time of day that will work for everyone (if you find yourself falling asleep somewhere between God and Amen at bedtime, you may want to consider a morning prayer.) A number of on-line and hard-copy devotionals are available just for couples (just Google “devotionals for couples�).

3. Love Notes
Send your spouse a message via Pony Express, e-mail, or post-it note. Love notes can be as moving as a poem or as simple and honest as “I’m thinking about you right now� or if words aren’t your gift, go Hallmark -- “Let the good people at the card company think of something to say for you.� An unexpected love note can instantly help you reconnect. If you’re electronically inclined, try www.dayspring.com for e-cards.

4. Talk.
Not about the weather or sports scores -- have meaningful discussions. Talk to each other about your hopes, your fears, what’s going on in your head and heart. You did this getting to know each other when you started to date â€" maybe you’ll learn something new about your spouse. These don’t have to be long, drawn out discussions â€" they can be snippets of conversation, but they can be filled with meaning. Be willing to listen to your significant other, and be honest. If you have trouble finding how to start opening up, consider a marriage seminar such as Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage (www.laughyourway.com), or Weekend to Remember (www.familylife.com).

5. Have fun
Playing is a great way to connect with anyone, as any kid will tell you. Some board games (such as Apples to Apples or Cranium) encourage you to share a bit about yourself. Reconnect with the kid in you â€" play cards, challenge your significant other to a game of Horse or Pig. Go to a movie, try a new restaurant, take a hike in the park. You’re more likely to spend more time with your spouse if you’re having fun.

6. Common interests
Find things you can do together. Have fun trying new activities to see what you both like â€" attempt kite flying, antique hunting, jogging, museum hopping, glass blowing. Who knows, your spouse might even show an interest in Nascar racing or Fantasy Football. Ask other couples what hobbies and interests they have in common.

7. Small groups
Consider attending a small group bible study together. Strengthen your faith while connecting with other believers, as well as spending time with your spouse.

8. Be physical
Studies say that men think about sex every 6.5 minutes. (OK, that might be an exaggeration, but maybe not.) Women generally do not have this 6.5 minute built-in though process. Conflict arises, feelings are hurt, and harsh words are spoken. Find a balance for the two of you to be intimate. (Try more of #4, talking to each other).

9. Respect each other
Resist taking one another for granted. Give thanks and praise for the lawn mowing, the laundry finished, the not-so-gourmet-but-it’s-the-best-I-could-do-tonight hot dog dinner. Practice being kind. Practice forgiveness, as Jesus instructs us in Ephesians.

10. Celebrate
Anniversaries, birthdays, your first date. Find reasons to celebrate your love for one another. For the romantically challenged, try asking sales clerks and friends for ideas â€" flowers are usually a safe gift. Commemorate big events by going on a trip together, or even an overnight at a hotel. Don’t let money (or lack thereof) deter you from celebrating â€" a picnic dinner alone together is a classic, wonderful gift. Taking time for one another is a gift in itself.

Make the commitment to connect with your spouse today. Enjoy the time you have together, even in the chaos and craziness of every-day life.

B. Mathison

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