Book Review: "Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity"
by Lauren F. Winner

Review by Kathryn Atwood

Why another book on the subject of sexual purity? Author Lauren F. Winner gives several reasons for writing her book, Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity. While firmly upholding the Christian principle of pre-marital chastity, she describes the current material designed to help single Christians stay sexually pure as "theologically vacuous," dishonest, and naive; they make chastity sound "easy" and "instantly rewarding." According to the barrage of statistics she includes, many, many Christians are not saving sex for marriage. Why not? Could it be that they are simply absorbing the mores of their amoral social environment? Or is the church not helping them effectively? According to Winner, it's both. So she decided to write a book to help single Christians stay pure, a book which also seeks to enlarge the church's role in facilitating this essential pursuit of its single members.

Written in a readable, scholarly style that suggests C.S, Lewis was invited to speak at a "True Love Waits" seminar, Real Sex covers an exhaustive waterfront of sexually related topics. Winner grounds each issue firmly in scriptural thought, theology and common sense, rather than scripture, per se. She covers topics such as physical boundaries in an unmarried relationship (to kiss or not to kiss), masturbation (no scriptural ban, difficult for unmarried men to avoid but almost pointless for married), modest dress (challenging in a society that has sexualized the women's clothing market), and, of course, "real sex."

One of the most appealing aspects of this book is the explanation of its title, the belief that sex was created for and only makes sense within the marriage relationship. In any other context, sex is not only wrong, it is inappropriate on a deep and cosmic level. Two people coming together for "casual sex" may not intend anything profound, but sex is always profound. Here Winner hits the nail on the head in a new, refreshing way. Sex
within the marriage is described as a celebration, though not necessarily always an exciting one. That's perfectly alright. Married people shouldn't spend too much time trying to simulate the thrills associated with unstable illicit sex because, according to Winner, sex is "a small patch of experience that gives us our best glimpse of the radical fidelity and intimacy of God and the church." That's pretty profound.

Winner's celebration of this elemental human urge within the confines of matrimony is absolutely necessary. Some Christians manage to stay chaste before marriage by inadvertently succumbing to a type of Gnosticism, a heresy she spends some time with: the false belief that sex, our bodily urges, and our bodies themselves are impure, beastly and degrading.

Winner came to Christianity and the concept of pre-marital chastity as an adult. Given the fact that a gentle rebuke - calling sin, sin -- jump-started her quest for sexual purity, it seems surprising that she doesn't reference this concept much in the book; it's discussed at length only in the last chapter. Perhaps this is because she feels her largely Christian audience already understands what sin is and yet the fear of God isn't helping them stay pure. This might be an error on her part; even on the secular level, surely the fear of punishment is an occasional if not
frequent deterrent to wrong behavior. Nonetheless, Winner's purpose is to state in more positive tones reasons for staying sexually pure, and she does this very well.

Winner's concept of the church's role in helping its single members stay chaste is central to the book. High Church Christians will have no problem with Winner's statements about the church's role in the Christian's life: administering grace, granting permission for a married couple to engage in sex and the impossibility for character formation or character change outside of its walls (she states this as a general community truth, but implies its verity in relation to the church). However, Winner's more congregationalist brethren will have no problem agreeing with this book's premise that the church should and could be more inclusive to it's single members in a myriad of ways (hint: she doesn't necessarily mean directing them into a single's group), thus also helping them stay true to their quest for Christian chastity. Sexual purity is after all, the entire church's problem and challenge: anyone interested in staying sexually pure or helping others in the church do so will find much food for thought in this intriguing book.

Grade: B

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